Can You Dig It?

I've always thought that in another life I might have been an archaeologist! Not the "Time Team" archaeologist type with knitted jumper, wellies and a ponytail. More like an Indiana Jones or a Jack West character, as in "Seven Ancient Wonders" by Matthew Reilly. At the moment I'm reading "The Alexander Cipher" by Will Adams, concerning a quest to discover the long lost tomb of Alexander the Great. So far, so good. I like the idea of an individual making a discovery that not only alters everyone's perception of the past, but has an affect on the future of the World too. Like in "The Last Testament" by Sam Bourne, where a Sumerian clay tablet looted from a museum in Baghdad turns out to be the last will and testament of Abraham the patriarch.

With me so far, thought not, but let me continue anyhow! I like to revisit themes, so let's imagine for an instant that your understanding of history is fatally flawed, that what you believe to be true is fabrication and in some instances the reality might possibly be very difficult for you to believe. I particularly suspect that the chronology of events might be particularly faulty, because there are inherent problems with carbon dating which have never been properly addressed. This has a knock-on effect on theories of evolution and definitely on human evolvement.

I have posted before regarding my suspicions that perhaps mankind has achieved similar peaks of civilization to the one we're at right now. Perhaps many millenia ago, a civilization not so unlike ours reached a similar juncture and blasted itself back into the Pre-historic. Think about it, if every technological item you had was taken from you, being so reliant on mass production for everything you have, how long would it take for you to revert to a primitive existence? How long would it take you to abandon every aspect of education and knowledge beyond what was required to survive day-to-day? Not long I suspect, and especially so if there were very few survivors.

On that note, have a very Happy New Year!

What Is and What Used To Be!

They don't make toys like they used to, besides which kids of today would be mortified if they did. We used to have fun with our toys, they were both well made and enduring. Modern toys are poorly made and vitually disposable. It was a good job that the toys we had were well made because we believed it to be our duty to test their destructability. They tended to last quite well, and I can assure you that "Tonka Toys" could withstand dozens of blows from a concrete block dropped off of a shed roof. My brothers toy dumper truck was proof of that!

Alas those toys are no more. Another saddening aspect is the fact that we had toys that enabled us to play togther with friends. Nowadays, kids prefer to play on their own, with games consoles, computers etc. It's very sad, and they will more than likely grow up with very poor social skills, which is bad news for the next generation, because they'll make worse parents than this generation, and that's saying something. Good luck future people!

This is supposedly an age of global communication, and I find it deeply ironic that people have difficulty using a phone for its intended purpose (ie. Talking) and while they can E-mail and text away all day long, they have great real problems holding a conversatuion face-to-face. Isn't that a stinging indictment of where we're at right now? Anyway, I'm off to check eBay and see if I can get myself one of those Polaris submarines with missiles that actually fire.... ah, the toys of yesteryear! Smell the faint whiff of nostalgia!

This Is Magic!

Finally, I've managed to get my wireless network set up, and even more importantly, I've bought a digital camera at long last. I will soon be able to provide you with quality homemade original images for my posts. In the meantime, here are the best homemade videos ever: The David Blaine Street Magic Spoofs!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Hang On A Minute!

My new router arrived today, and I'm using it right now you'll be pleased to here. I was intending to set the kids laptops up on a wireless network, but there seems to have been a hitch there, which I can't see a way around without purchasing a USB wireless adaptor for my own pc. You don't need to know about that though, as it's just one of these things that the ISP forces me to endure.

Many months ago I mentioned the possibility of my acquiring a digital camera, in order to "sex up" this blog, like some secret government dossier about WMD's. Well, that was put on the back-burner for some reason which I can't recall, but now it's back on the table! It has been resurrected like some sort of messiah. Only, don't expect any miracles, even if I do get one. Let's just say that some family member was unexpectedly generous to me this Christmas time. That generosity will not go unrewarded, the images provided for this blog will be sufficiently rewarding as a visual feast much akin to a roman banquet.

It's not all good though, my car battery is flat again, and that's rather disturbing. I only charged it up the other day. It has been under-used this week, but I hope it's not a bad omen. I might have to buy another car if things don't look up. Let's just say that the battery is the tip of the iceberg if I'm honest. With an MOT due in March, at which time I will be totally reliant upon ownership of fully functioning a motor vehicle, I will have to have a car no matter what!

The Bravest of the Brave!

I've just finished reading "The War of Wars", by Robert Harvey, which recount the history of the Napoleonic Wars. It was a very interesting, although lengthy read, and strangely, contrary to the writers intention I'm sure, I felt some sympathy for Napoleon by the end of the book and was actually hoping he'd win Waterloo, which was never going to happen. It was however a near run thing.

The Napoleonic Wars produced many memorable characters though, and it would seem that the greatest are largely forgotten. Take for instance the Scotsman Thomas Cochrane who was a far more talented, courageous and successful naval commander than Nelson ever was, but was despised and even betrayed by his contemporaries because of his success. On the French side, could there be anyone more amazing on the field of battle than Marshall Ney?

The answer is no, he fought in almost every battle under Napoleon, and unlike Napoleon he was constantly in the thick of it. He fought several amazing rearguard actions when hopelessly outnumbered, especially on the retreat from Moscow, and was apparently the last man out of Russia. The French soldiers called him "the bravest of the brave". Unfortunately, this amazing man was executed by a firing-squad in Paris only several months after Waterloo. Napoleon had held him to blame for the loss of that battle, but as the book clearly indicates, as per usual, the main mistakes were Napoleon's own. He never took the blame for anything though, it was always someone else's mistake!

You've Had A Bad Day!

Things been a little rough at work lately... ? I saw this and thought of you. See... things aren't nearly as bad as you thought they were!

Have A Wicked Xmas!

Somewhere... in an alternative Universe!

....and?

It's No Excuse!

Well, I've been at this family tree lark for over 15 years now, and the family tree as it stands, with both my side of the family and the wife's side combined, has around 12,000 individuals. I never intended to create anything so huge, it simply snowballed as soon as I first put the tree on to a few Internet sites. Suddenly I had all these descendants of Scottish emigrants from various parts of the globe, contacting me, saying they were related.

Well, that's all well and good, but I still haven't come across anyone particularly well known. The nearest I've come so far is a Northern Ireland International rugby player and TV broadcaster / sports commentator, who unfortunately died in a hotel fire just as his career was really taking off. I don't doubt some famous (but distant) relatives will turn up. The odds of not finding at least one must be very slim. It would also be nice to make some noble connections working back the way, and although there are suggestions of royal descent, finding evidence is difficult, especially as records in various places were badly kept or non-existent. My Irish forebears from Drogheda and Ardee might as well not have existed, such is the dearth of information about them. Even 100 years ago, there's virtually nothing.

I have noticed though, that thise families which departed the shores of this sceptred isle, tended to do very well for themselves, through luck, endeavour or accomplishment. I suppose starting again somewhere new will always supply the motivation to succeed. It seems to me that very few of those who started new lives far from home, ever met with failure or disappointment. That's something I may well bear in mind when faced with a similar choice myself. That day may not not be too far distant!

The Ancestral Pile!

For your edification, and no particular reason other than I can, I have decided to display some images of castles from NE Scotland, which have in almost every instance a merely tenuous link with my family history. Thank you for watching!

This one is Boyne Castle near Portsoy, where several generations of the Muiry (Murie) family from which I'm descended were Master Gardeners. It doesn't run in the blood, I like looking at nice gradens, but have no patience whatsoever when it comes to making them that way.

This is Ballindalloch on Speyside, where the Murie's went once Boyne Castle was abandoned. They worked here from about 1800 - 1840.

This is Findlater Castle, on the coast about half-way between Cullen and Portsoy. It has been abandoned for a long time. In the 1850's my Gt Grandfather Alexander Riach who was a 13 year old shepherd on a nearby farm, spent several nights sheltering with his flock in the castle ruins, as a horrendous blizzard raged around him.

This is Fordyce Castle. My grandmother was born in a cottage right behind the castle, and my Gt Grandmother live in a house about 10 yards off, in a lane to the right of picture.

Huntly Castle, once proud home to the Earls of Gordon, at one time the most powerful family in Scotland. My wife's family claim descent from the Gordon's although they have no real proof. There are a great many pointers to suggest a connection however! Well, that filled another post, I hope you enjoyed!

Where Is the Justice?

It was my own fault for whingeing yesterday! I should have known that dissing Christmas would bring me a bad dose of Karma. Well, Universal equilibrium is restored. It achieved this end by making my son ill, making my car battery flat, and by flagging the intention of relatives to possibly visit tonight. I only "wrote" about negative stuff and negative stuff happened to me in return. That's not really fair, I feel hard done by, where is the justice?

Well at least my car is running again. It did however fail me at a most inconvenient juncture. The hour was nigh when I was to take my son and drop him off for a spot of bag-packing, as is his wont at this time of year, or rather, as is the wont of the Boys Brigade (of which he is a participant), which are constantly fund-raising, so that they can continue to raise funds over the following year. I fnd this with most so-called charitable organisations, they constantly require ever more cash to help them make more cash.

Besides which, I desperately need to make a last minute dash to a supermarket, as Old Mother Hubbard has once again discovered that the cupboards are bare, at just the worst possible time. Add to this the possibility that I might have to cordially invite some family members over for Christmas, so they don't spend it alone, and that's just great. No they have to spend it in my household, complaining about everything; food, drink, T.V., presents etc. I just don't have the stomach for that sort of crap anymore, it must be my age. You should never have anyone for dinner unless they have something worth contributing to the gathering, and I don't know anyone like that off-hand!

Happy Families!

Yes, it's that time of year again when you have to see your family. Let's just say that It's bad enough having to deliver Christmas presents in most instances, the unconfortable silences and longing to leave, but feeling obliged to stay a little longer so that it's not obvious you really want to leave, even though it can't be hidden. For some people it gets worse, having your family around for lunch on Christmas day. Oh the joy, their miserable faces, their endless detestation of everything in life which could be enjoyable.

New Year isn't any better, all that false sincerity, people wishing each other "Happy New Year", when they secretly wish that you had the Black Death. Getting together with your family, people getting drunk and starting to let out their true feelings, which are certain to be of the hateful, jealous, obnoxious and distasteful sort. Yes, this truly is the nicest time of the year. As the saying goes "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family!" Never was a truer word spoken, and the author knew only too well what an embarassment family can be, particularly at this time of year.

There are 2 particular traits I find irritating in the extreme when exemplified by family members. They are competitiveness and boastfulness, both of which seem evident in profusion. "Keeping up with the Joneses" as they say, is a particular hobby in these parts. Of course, after 4 consecutive years at College and Uni, I am unable to play along with the game, not that I would if I could anyhow, but because I can't, it would appear that there is all the more reason why I should know what people are buying and where they're going on holiday. They think it hurts me, but they're fools, I'm made of much stronger stuff than them. I'm immune to their pettiness. I'd be quite happy to see the back of the lot of then for good, and look forward to the day when that becomes possible.

The Path to Greatness!

I'm still reading "The War Of Wars" by Robert Harvey, an excellent overview of the war between Britain and France (1789 - 1815). I've been struck by the author's comparison and contrast of Napoleon and Nelson. With hindsight it's easy to assume that Napoleon was the bad guy and Lord Nelson, the brave hero of the British navy. However, both men were ruthless, reckless, opportunistic and ambitious megalomaniacs. The similarities run much deeper though, both men experienced a sequence of triumphs punctuated by disasters, and both on occasion comtemplated suicide.

Also, both men had a fatalistic outlook, determined that they would not live very long. A result of this may well have been their callous disregard for human life. They both had very troubled love lives; Napoleon was cuckolded by his Josephine, while Nelson openly courted his mistress Emma Hamilton, much to the distress of his wife Fanny, and his family. In terms of ambition and promotion Nelson used the old boy network to smooth his passage to the top. Napoleon on the other hand, had to earn his promotions, coupled with some cunning deceitfulness.

Neslon often fell ill, particularly with bouts of Malaria, and suffered many injuries (blind in one eye, loss of an arm) leading his men valiantly. Napoleon was also injured leading his men into battle, but unlike Nelson, seemed to be impervious to ill-health, striding among plague-ridden soldiers with the firm belief that he was divinely protected. On, the other hand, both men also blighted their careers by committing atrocities, Napoleon at Jaffa, and Nelson at Naples. I could go on, but you probably get the picture by now!

Hobbits Seeing Double!

So Peter Jackson is going to be filming "The Hobbit" after all, I hear today, but no wait, there will be 2 films. Then later I read that rather than breaking "The Hobbit" into two parts, the first film is to be a prequel. What prequel? I don't recall any prequel to "The Hobbit". Is someone just going to make something up? Because if they do it'll be a load of bloody nonsense! Surely they must split the book into 2 distinct parts. I have a feeling someone got their wires crossed someplace on the news reportage front!

Another slight copncern I might have is; just what angle will Jackson take for these films? "The Lord of the Rings" films were intended for a largely adult audience, as the book was meant for adults, but "The Hobbit" was written for children, but if he makes these films for children, there's a chance that he'll miss out at the Box Office. If I was Jackson I'd pitch this film at kids, but make it dark enough that and adult audience could take it seriously. Unfortunately, the book also has a large dose of humour, which I suspect will be lost in script writing.

Anyhow, as good as "The Lord of the Rings" films were, they could never do justice to Tolkien's writing. No slight on Peter Jackson, because nobody could have done the book justice, it's such a fantastic work, probably in the Top 10 all time books, in my opinion! As for that Harry Potter nonsense, I've never read those books and have no desire to, the films are so bad, I think they're insulting to children. The fact that so many adults also enjoy them speaks volumes to me about literacy in this country (and others too it seems). If that's you then I apologise, but seriously, read a book for grown-ups. Visit a library or something, feed your brain for a change, instead of starving it of oxygen in front of the T.V. I think I've said this before, but nevermind, it bears repeating

The Man Who Would Be God!

I'm reading "The War Of Wars" right now which is about the first proper World War. At it's heart, the man above... Napoleon Bonapart, clearly a very able General if a little bit on the short side. He was hardly the dwarf that many said he was, but at 5' 6", he was hardly a giant of a man. Like any good general, he was probably a closet homosexual, the book said that, I'm not just making it up. Men who win battles seldom have a way with the female species, that's for sure.

I still haven't got past his first campaign in Italy anyway, so it remains to be seen what feats of military derring-do he will achieve, although I have an inkling that just as he was born on an island, he is doomed to die on an island. Anyway he totallly revolutionized warfare. Just before his time, Generals liked to line their men up all gentlmanly like and have them all kill each other before tea time if possible. Napoleon mixed in some guerilla warfare, diversionary tactics not seen since Alexander or Caesar, and forced marches not unlike the Romans were acquainted with.

The stuffed coats of the aristocratic warring classes never saw it coming, and if the man hadn't been encumbered with God-like pretensions like great leaders before and after him, then who knows how far he could have gone... and those before and after him also. Once again I'm talking utter nonsense, howabout I finish the book and let you know how it goes?

Lying Their Heads Off!

I've told you before how recorded history and our perception of ancient times, is but a tissue of lies. I've been thinking about it, and it's no wonder that we generally accept the lies we're told about the past, because we're also being lied to constantly about the future and especially about the present. The governments are lying, the police are lying, the intelligence services are lying, scientists are lying, and we lie to ourselves when we acept their word as truth.

So, it's not hard to see how history is founded on lies, because the people who recorded it were being lied to at the time. The truth is something of an anomalie in history, it seems like it doesn't belong, because it is surrounded by lies. For instance, did Gnaeus Julius Agricola score a great victory over the Picts at the battle of Mons Graupius? History says he did, history being the written record of Tacitus, Agricola's son-in-law. Surely he wouldn't have lied or exaggerated about those events.

More recent memory make us wonder just how big the lies our own governments feed us, can get? Promised a referendum on the EU Constitution, and returned to power on that basis, only to slap the people in the face, and surrender sovereignty to the very people we fought 2 World Wars against. Unbelievable! Then there's climate change, what's really happening? I know what we're being told, and I know how it will affect me. Apparently I need to pay more Road Tax for my car, extra fuel duty if I fly and pay to have my rubbish emptied (which I already pay Council Tax for). Only in this way, can I save the planet! Would it be cynical of me to suspect that governments Worldwide are opportunists seizing on the chance to bleed us dry in the name of Planetary salvation?

I'm almost certain that the figures have been massaged. Yes, climate change is happening and man could be to blame, but we all know that countries such as the U.S., China and India, as well as some Eastern European countries are definitely not giving a shit, yet we must pay for it! Let me put it this way, no amount of money paid by people in the UK, or any household energy savings here in the UK are going to make a grain of difference. The goverment know that, it's time you realised... you're being lied to again!

EU Must Be Mad!

Ah, the deed is done then. The people were promised a say, but when it really mattered, of course, the people cannot fully understand the concepts involved, so the great political minds of Europe went ahead and signed the "United States Of Europe" treaty for us. Now all we need to do is sit back and reap the rewards... which will be what exactly? I'm sure that I'm not alone in thinking that countries such as France and Germany will see this as just the result that was hoped for in the last 2 World Wars. Well, there patience has been rewarded, they now have control, and perhaps us Brits can finally be made to pay for having the audacity to stand up to them in the past.

We didn't stand up this time though, just rolled over to have our tummy ticked. My worst fear is that in some point in the very near future, some country is going to find themselves receiving a bit of a raw deal from this new arrangement, and will turn around and say, "Excuse Me Herr Germany and Madmoiselle France, but we've decided we'd like out of this treaty. They may well then be thrown a bone or two, but still not happy, they will simply be crushed by our new European Army, frogmarching along to "Ode to Joy", our new European Anthem, with the European Flag borne proudly aloft.

So we'll either find ourselves in a totalitarian state or we'll have a European schism and a European Civil War, just as the Germans are claiming the last 2 World Wars were, European Civil Wars. Yes, that's right, because we were all getting along great for ages before that weren't we? These people are blind if they think it will ever work, the best we can hope for are some special new European taxes to help fund a new Eurocratic workforce and Parliament. Maybe we'll get an EU VAT on top of existing VAT, that would help build up some gigantic EU MP's pensions. To be honest, I've never heard anyone say anything positive about the whole thing, apart from the deluded madmen pushing the idea along, does any normal person think this is a good idea? I'd love to hear it!

Lidl's Ladels the Labels!

You probably have a Lidl store somewhere near you, especially if you live in Europe, judging by the map above showing their progressive expansionist policy. We've had a Lidl's here for several years now, even though no-one knows how to pronounce it yet ("leed-ills", "lie-dills", "lid-dills"), everyone has their own way of saying it. Well, that's besides the point really. They've bulit a new store here, right next to the old one, only twice the size. What will they do with the old building? Nobody knows, but it'll give the old folk something to talk about until it's decided.

The new store opened on Thursday, and I had my first chance to go in there today. "How odd" I thought, "It's exactly the same as the old store, only slightly bigger and with a different flooring!" Yes, every sale item was in exactly the same location as it would have been in the old store, because the layout was the same too. And I still had to wait too long at the checkout, so no change there either.

They do have a nice big new car-park though, so that's something different I suppose. It's all came out of common good land that the Community Council sold to Lidl's for somewhere in the region of one million pounds I do believe. Now they have a million to spend, the local councillors are in a panic about what to do with it. They should just syphon it off through vastly over-inflated expenses claims like normal councillors would. It'll never do the town any good, we almost had a Tesco until last week when the whole thing was scrapped. That's the odd thing about this town, they keep building more houses, while all the time local shops and businesses have been packing up. Now, all we have is houses for around 20,000 and the odd corner shop. So let's build some more houses then, yes there are about 3 new housing estates in the pipeline!

Networking!

Today marked "abortive attempt to set up a home network part 1"! Well, it wasn't entirely a failure, I did manage to setup a LAN, the only problem being I had no Internet connection. I was working mainly on the basis that, if you plug everything in, the rest will be easy. It was only when my computer started waffling on about IP addresses that I realised I was out of my depth. Not that I don't know plenty about both networks and IP's, just that I've no idea what the computer wants from me because it won't say what the problem actually is.

It's all a moot point now anyway, because I was going to change ISP, but when I phoned to cancel, my present ISP had to go and better the deal I was after, so I've a new router on the way now, with instructions this time, and I'll get more bandwidth for less, with free phone calls as well. Sounds good, provided I can get it all working, and that's not a certainty by a long chalk.

Bizarre coincidence yesterday. I was on the train coming home, and a guy that's in my class at Uni was sitting a few seats back. He never ever gets this train as he lives in the islands and stays in Aberdeen during term, but he was off to a party in the Highlands. Anyway, I could hear him talking all of the journey, and assumed it was with someone he knew from Aberdeen who was also going to the party. It turned out be someone else I knew from College several years ago. So, we all knew each other, but never knew that we knew each other, if that makes sense?

Cloudbusting!

Interesting things... clouds! We've all seen odd looking cloud formations at some time or another. I could have spent a little longer finding some more pictures, but you know how it is? You'll just have to make do for now!

As far as I'm aware, none of these photos were photo-shopped, but you never know, especially with that last one... looks a little dodgy to me!

Sick Again!

Had enough of my whingeing yet? No, I didn't think so, else you wouldn't be reading this would you? Well I've managed to steer clear of illness since about March I think, but it was just too bloody much to ask that I last until after tomorrow, which is the last day of Uni until next year. Not only that, but I thought that I might just skip tomorrow, because it's a long enough day travelling into Aberdeen in the best of health. Doing it while ill would be slightly sado-masochistic. Then I remembered those GTCS forms and disclosure that I was talking about yesterday. They have to be handed in, which means that I have to go in tomorrow.

Yeah yeah, laugh it up, enjoy my suffering, but remember "What goes around..." Well I suppose it could have been worse. If I'd been ill on school experience or while writing my assessment, that would have been more than a nuisance, and anyway I can console myself with the fact that it's the last day, and I have until January 7th to recover. I suspect I might also have other sel-inflicted ilnesses to recover from before that time!

Oh, and I see some great news from Labour this morning. Ed Balls, has decided that all new teachers should be educated up to Masters level. That's nice of him, I've just spent 4 years at College and Uni, and just as I'm about to make a little bit of money, someone thinks that I should start teaching and undertake a Masters at the same time. Genius idea, but why? A teacher should know all they need to know with a degree and a year's teacher training (plus another probation year before becoming fully registered). If they still can't teach, then how exactly is a Masters going to help, there's not going to be anything in a Masters which can be passed on to the pupils, so what good would it do?

The only good that could come from being a teacher with a Masters, is that it would give you a way out of the profession, probably into much better paid work. Yes, teacher's are reasonably paid, but not nearly as well paid as they could be elsewhere. People teach becasue they want to, it's certainly not for the money. If you were to do it purely for the money then you'd be a nervous wreck!

I Hate Filling In Forms!

It has just been one of those weeks so far, the kind where you think that you won't have much on, then spend most of it chasing up paperwork. In my case both professional and personal documentation. First there was that assignment I had to submit yesterday. OK, got that in! Then I had an application for disclosure to fill in, my second in less than a year ( at £20 a time). I have to apply to the GTCS (General Teaching Council Scotland) in order to be "allowed" to qualify as a teacher (that's £55 this year and £40 every year after). These are exactly the sort of things you need as a 4th year student with a family and no money, in the run up to Christmas!

Anyway, had to apply to the GTCS online, had problems with that, had to phone them up, eventually got it sorted. Had to print off the completed forms and direct debit mandate, to send off with the disclosure form. then I had to go to the library to photocopy a birth certificate, passport and driving licence to send off with that as well.

Next up, my daughter wanted some book off of Amazon, so I logged in and bought it for 1 pence. Great, no, not so great, my account had my old credit card details. Easy, I'll just change the card details and everything will be fine. Would it let me do that? No, it wouldn't! I deleted my old details then couldn't enter my new details, so I had to enter my credit card details to buy the book and then it automatically updated my profile. Ah, the wonders of technology, everything's arse about tit!

Read A Bloody Book (Again)!

You know me by now, I like to moan about the same things again and again. Well, I've finally got my assessment submitted, hardcopy and electronic copy for the plagiarism software to chew over. Now, I'm going to purchase some drink and try and read some of the books I've squirreled away over the last 2 months. I was into Waterstones in Aberdeen and was sorely tempted to buy a Conn Iggulden book that I spotted, but then I thought I should probably read the Conn Iggulden book that I have, and see if it's any good, before I buy anymore of his works.

What was I going to moan about this time? Oh yeah, grown ups who haven't read books. I know I've done this one, but it's still happpening and it makes me sick (something was said in a lecture today, that's why, triggered me off). It's compounded (or aggravated if you like) by the fact that the T.V. is virtually no longer watchable. No wonder people are detached and socially inept. I blame the parents, because it is the parents. If a mother or father never reads and there are no books in the house, what sort of message are they sending to their children? I've even heard people say that they've learned everything they know from the telly, and I believe them because they know jack-shit!

Scotland is failing miserably in the three "R's" and all that's needed is a few books on a book-shelf in every home, turn the telly off for a little while now and again and read some books. It's not hard and it can be very rewarding. It stimulates the imagination, it improves literacy and you might just learn something!

Punch Versus Staple?

The great battle has been fought and the hour of victory is at hand! The staple or the punch, which one would come out on top? Having finished my University assignment and stacked up the supporting documentation, it came out at 72 pages all told. University guidelines stipulate, "No ring-binders or polly-pockets, assignment must be stapled at top left-hand corner only!" The people who dream up this crap are living in dreamland!

So, I was at least going to give it a try, but I realised that my little hand-held stapler would never be up to the task, so I borrowed a shot of my father's staple-gun. It was a long-shot, and I wasn't convinced that the staple would penetrate that thickness of paper. I was right, it made it about halfway through. So, in the face of receiving a sharp rebuke of some sort from some unknown grey-suited boring old fart, I've punched the document and tied the holes with whatchamicallums (tier things).

So the victor is the punch, because it lets you handle bunches of paper at a time, it has a coinscience which the stapler is sadly lacking. I think staples should only be applied to documents of 10 pages or less, but that's only my "professional" opinion. Someone really should come up with an alternative solution, there's money to be made here, I'm telling you!

Escape To Victory!

Well, my daughter's only 10, but yesterday she was raising a few issues with me over the crucifixion. Like, if Mary was a virgin, how could Jesus have older brothers and sisters? Hmm, good question! So, I explained to her how the whole crucifixion was a sham, how they would usually smash the victims kneecaps after a while, and they'd leave them up there for a long time, because it could take days to die.

So then she asks why they took him down from the cross after 2 hours, and I told her how the sponge must have had some seriously strong sedative in it, because Jesus was clearly alive when they took him down. They wouldn't have realised at the time, but when Longinus speared him in the side, it bled. That wouldn't have happened if he was dead already! But of course Longinus was only looking for a purely physical reaction which wasn't forthcoming. Yes, it was all very elaborate, but the Bible has been so heavily edited and censored that it's diffciult to get anywhere near the truth.

Clearly Jesus and his followers wanted to lead a revolt against the Roman, because that was what the Messiah was meant to do, and Jesus had been doing everything he could to fulfill the prophecies (which he was well aware of). So things went badly and he had to fake his own death and leave in a hurry. He left the revolt to his brother James the Just who was murdered by Paul, the man who started modern Christianity and totally twisted the events to suit a Roman agenda. My daughter totally understood all of that though, which is scary, probably because I explained it a bit better to her than I have here! She's a very bright cookie though!

Over Both the Rainbows!

It's true I have no patience, and not only did I have to wait about a month for my Radiohead - In Rainbows boxset to come, but I received an E-Mail last Friday saying it had been dispatched, and it wasn't until 2:30pm today that I finally recieved it. But yes, it smells lovely, and I've finally had the chance to listen to CD 2. Some surprises on there, most of the songs they've played live already, but they're completely changed for this CD. Bangers N' Mash in particular has been turned into a dirty sonic orgy. Yes, I said orgy, there's all sorts going on in this track!

I'm glad to say that it arrived in pristeen condition, unlike some stories I've heard where people returned from work to find a sodden lump of cardboard on their doorstep, containing something vaguely Radiohead-ish. It's incidents like that which haunt college campuses across America.

You'll be glad to know that my Uni assignment is coming along nicely, I haven't been sitting listening to music all day you know! I just have to put my Bibliography together and then find some way of losing 500 words. The're very prissy about word count, I don't know why, but go over 10% and marks start falling off. 50% over and it's a fail. Exactly... what's that all about? It's a bit of a hit or a miss really, you know how it is? When you get to this level, they think that you should be able to decipher the coded questions before you should be permitted to take part in any form of answering them. Words like vague and ambiguous, are synonymous with assessment writing in my experience!

I Need A Rest Or A Drink!

I've been very tired lately. I told you on Tuesday of my zombie-like state on Monday morning, walking past 3 buses into the train station, buying my tickets, then being surprised when directed to board a waiting bus. I'm not sure why my brain never made the connection, there are never normally buses outside the train station. Anyhow, I'm coming home on the train tonight, and it was real busy, lots of people standing. After a while I saw a mate waving at me from down the carriage. Ten minutes later he got a seat beside me, after loads of people had disembarked at a station. He said I'd looked at him loads of times and he'd been waving, but to no avail. Apparently my eyes were rolling and stuff.

So, I not only feel tired, but I clearly look tired as well. That's reassuring. Not only have I been yawning all day long, but my eyes are rolling around too... great! It's these 6am starts. I just can't get used to them again after 4 weeks getting up at 7:30am. I like my regular sleep patterns. I figure I need 8 hours in bed or I'm useless. That's a lot. Apparently Margaret Thatcher could make do with 3 or 4, but then she had Arthur Scargill to deal with.

What I really want to do is get drunk. It's clearly needed, I haven't had a proper drink since September I would say. Just a few nice drinks in pleasant company, having a laugh. All work and no play makes "Me" a dull boy! Just another week to go though and then I'll be on hiatus till January... yay! If only I had some money?

Breaking the Ice!

So I was watching "Earth: The Power Of the Planet" with Iain Stewart last night. Excellent show, he's very passionate about his work, particularly when dealing with volcanoes. This episode however was about ice. He was looking at glaciers in Greenland, all of which are retreating rapidly, because it would seem, meltwater is pouring into holes in the glacier, and lubricating the buffer area betwen the rock bottom and the glacier. This propels the glacier along much more rapidly, and of course where it reaches the sea, icebergs are calving off more frequently, thus causing the glacial retreat.

Anyway, enough pseudo-science, on reflection today, it got me thinking about 2 great books I've read, whcih simply must be made into blockbuster movies. I'm talking of course about "Ice Station" by Matthew Reilly and "Deception Point" by Dan Brown. Both have very similar plots really, but while Deception Point is more a conspiracy tale, Ice Station is all action. Not to be confused with the book and film "Ice Station Zebra" by Alistair MacLean!

If you haven't read either of these books, or at least one of them, then, you either; can't read, don't read at all, or can't afford books. The first and third are vaid excuses I suppose, but I've made my position clear regarding people who don't read in a previous post. If you fall into this category, then don't worry, Big Brother will be back on TV soon enough, and since you're reading this, you must be a liar anyway!

The Shape Of Things To Come!

Yes, this post has been delayed, just like I was heavily delayed yesterday. It was my first day back at Uni, and unbeknowest to me, there were engineering works going on somewhere along the railway line between Keith and Inverurie. Only after I had purchased my ticket did I realise what the buses were waiting outside for. Damn it, I hate buses even more than the train! Anyway, the upshot was; the bus took us to Inverurie, then we got on the train there and arrived at Aberdeen a good 45 minutes late. Coming back at night was no better The train left half-an-hour earlier than usual, but the bus journey was just throughly unpleasant. I had a migraine when I got home, so I didn't feel like posting at that time.

Today, I'm up to my neck in learning theory; Piaget, Bruner, Vygotsky, Skinner, Gardner, Golemore and Maslow. Who are they you ask? Those my fine fellow, are the gentlemen who have shaped modern education. Their influence is far reaching. Most of them are however dead!

I would like to spare you more time, but I really must get back to it. This assignment has to be turned in on Monday. After that Perhaps I will have more time on my hands to produce some quality posts for your perusal. I really hope so, I like to write the thought provoking stuff, but it does require thinking time, and that's in scarce supply right now!

Leave A Light On!

I'm sorry, but I don't have much time for you right now? I hope you don't mind! It wasn't anything you said or did, it's just that I'm under a little pressure to get this ginormous assessment finished for about a week's time. It will be rather torturous and I can't really predict what the outcome might be as of yet. Let's just say I'm putting great reliance on my literary skills to get me through it. So far, they've never let me down, but this assignment is a little different in that it has to be backed up by hard eveidence. Do I have that evidence? Probably!

So, the Christmas tree has gone up today, only it has no lights or decorations yet, because after a great deal of self-mind probing, I realised that last year's lights gave up the ghost just before I took them down. Realising this saved me form potential hours searching the attic for the box which might have contained said lights. Unless of course, I'm imagining that the lights were thrown out, and that they are indeed in a box in the attic somewhere.

I also had to go and get some groceries in yesterday, and was keenly aware of a surplus of shoppers. The town centre was way too busy for my liking. How can anyone enjoy Christmas shopping? We just do it for the sake of it? My relatives don't really care for me, and I therefore reciprocate their non-caring attitude, and yet, we still buy presents for each other, which nobody will like or want. What's the point of it? I've even had relatives give me their present back, saying they don't like it, want it, or have one already. Honestly, the audacity! Are they really that ignorant? ... well, YES!

Bon Voyage Morons!

First off, my apologies for not posting yesterday, I was in bed before I even realised that I hadn't done so. Yesterday marked the end of my fourth week of teaching experience, and the end of the first block teaching, as I must now return to Uni to imbibe some more theory, and I have a written assignment to complete as well. Anyhow, in the evening my Auntie from afar paid a visit, so that was the main reason for no post.

So, I read in the newspaper this morning that passengers on a cruise ship sailing from Bangkok to Beijing, are threatening a mutiny if they don't receive a full refund for the cruise. Seemingly there was a typhoon, and they all got sea-sick and were being thrown out of their bunks (not beds at sea). The passengers claimed that the ship should never have set sail, because the Captain knew there would be bad weather.

I have no sympathy for them. What kind of fool pays way over the odds to live in a confined space with thousands of people, trapped in a floating 24hr cabaret? With the downside being that if things go wrong, you will either wind up swimming in puke, or almost as bad; drown, get eaten by sharks or spend 2 weeks in a life-raft with rejects from Butlins who will drink all the water to protect their vocal chords. No thanks, you can keep that lot, I'd rather holiday in Shetland!

The Deadly Eyes Of the Cat!

Stalingrad, the Winter of 1942-43, and the conflict had taken on a deadly new form. Small feline creatures had been trained to form part of an elite sniper unit, which had German infantry pinned down in several key parts of the city. With supplies running low, and the cold biting with savage intensity, things looked bleak for the Germans, but wait, the cats had forgotten their Winter weather clothing, they were uncamouflaged. Black cats on white snow, soon to be black cats on red snow.

Yes, I might seem mad, but then I have been teaching for 4 weeks, so what else would you expect. Tomorrow is my last day, until the New Year. Now I simply have to produce a detailed 5000 word assignment covering every possible aspect of education imaginable, to be submitted in 10 days time. When will it ever end, that's almosty 4 years of essays, assignments, assessments, projects and exams I've had to endure to get to this point. I just want to earn some money now!!!

Coincidentally, I might have said this before, but these last 4 weeks I've been so busy, and yet in a bizarre twist, I've had huge success with my family tree for the first time in ages. I guess these things just happen and it's other people who have the time on their hands, not me. Still, perhaps I am too obliging with my precious time!

The Indoor War Association!

Every boy and man seems to have some unhealthy obsession with warfare, whether it's wanting to join the forces, or playing video games. Myself, I have no interest in warfare as such, in fact I think it's pointless and brutal. But that's not to say that there wasn't a time when war was actually necessary and the strategy of war was an art form. Of course, modern warfare is fought against invisible enemies, with no clearly defined outcome or objectives, fought in lands far removed from our own. It used to be the case, that you would go and fight becasue the enemy was at the gates, it was clear cut.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a fan of "Medal Of Honour" and "Call Of Duty" and the "Total War" series. It's easy to villify the Germans in video games, because they were clearly the bad guys, same with Napoleon and his armies. All the great generals are remembered because of their famous victories, and yet they all died rather ignominiously; Hitler, Napoleon, Alexander, Genghis Khan. Apart from Genghis, they weren't very good breeders either, now I come to think of it.

Anyhow, to the point. As, I'm shortly due to become wireless and will effectively have a LAN in the household for the first time, I'm going to have a great time playing all of the aforementioned games against my son. He's way too good for most games as it is, so it will be a pleasure indeed for me to play Wellington to his Napoleon, Monty to his Rommel etc. So tell me again, how do you set up a wireless network?

The Power Of the Spoken Word!

Did I ever tell you my theory on the powers of humanity before written language was formed? No, I don't think I did. Well, I'll tell you now, and you can shoot it down if you like, everyone has their own opinion and most are wrong. I use the power of reason to fashion my arguments, but it's increasingly difficult to find rational people capable of reasoned thinking anymore. Why is it that folk are willing to accept any scientific theory thrown at them if it comes from a "reputable" source? It's the guys who can think outside the box, the so called crackpots, who make the major breakthrough's, and it's only generations later that they're accepted as geniuses.

Anyway, I'm no genius, but here goes. Clearly before written language appeared, oral traditions and histories were the key to civilization. I suspect that in places such as Egypt and South America, priesthood's held sway over the people, and to concentrate and magnify their powers, the spoken word when used correctly, particularly in secret rites, took on magical properties.

The dilemna we're dealing with here, is a positive shift from right-brain to left-brain thought patterns with the development of writing. I believe that before writing, socities influenced by the spoken word alone, thought in an entirely different way. Being able to think in a very different way also means being able to do things that you wouldn't otherwise. I believe that such people would have been deeply empathetic, intuitive and instinctive and far more able to develop powers of animal kinship, psychic powers, and possibly tele-kinetic powers.

You think I'm talking absolute nonsense, but I'm not entirely making this up. There is much evidence to suggest that such things are true. For instance, we know little about the power of sound in ancient times, but clearly the Egptians knew secrets long since lost. Ancient texts allude to large scale construction projects, where they placed a sacred hieroglyph on a papyrus leaf, under a block, and upon a certain note being intoned by a group of individuals, the rock would fly through the air to it's desired location. I'm not going to tell you any more, find out for yourself!

Music For Fire and Snow!

My son is studying Romeo and Juliet in English right now, but with the need for teachers to make things cool, they've actually been watching the Baz Luhrmann film version rather than reading the actual Shakespeare play. To be honest with you, I didn't like the film, despite Radiohead's "Talk Show Host" and "Exit Music (For A Film)" being included. At best, I would be willing to sit through the closing credits and listen to Exit Music (For A Film) playing, an absolutely fantastic song which sums up more about Romeo and Juliet for me, than the film ever could.

Vanilla Sky, now there's a decent film with Radiohead music in it, and Sigur Ros too, superbly selected music for a soundtrack. I like this film, even though many peple think it's strange and I guess Tom Cruise had become a deridable figure having lost much off this popularity since then, But, Vanilla Sky is one of these films which force you to stop and think, and I just love that in a film. For some people it's action, romance or gore, whatever... for me, it's bizarre philosophical Sci-fi type shennanigans. And, with some decent music too, an unstoppable combination.

Dammit, I've just realised that I've mentioned Radiohead and Sigur Ros, two posts in a row. At this rate, the cat will be out of the bag and it will be clear as day to all insundry, exactly where my musical devotions lie. Someplace between this sceptred isle and the land of fire and snow. That would be either Shetland or the Faroe Isles by my insane reckoning. If you think this is mad, don't expect things to become clearer anytime soon.

A Mountain To Climb!

I've been using free beta versions of this program Geno Pro since around 2000. It's probably about time I purchased a copy. It only costs £20, but I've never seen the need until recently. It's a damn nifty piece of software anyhow, but having been trying out a beta version of the newest release over the last week or so, I am absolutely astounded by the number of fantastic features that this program now has. I know I sound as though I'm marketing it or something, but as Family Tree software goes, this one knocks everything else into orbit.

Unfortunately for me, I've already gifted myself this years Christmas prezzies in the form of Radiohead's "In Rainbows" boxset, due to arrive in a week or so, and the new Sigur Ros double dvd; "Heima". Mind you, Geno Pro is a one time only purchase, all future updates are free if you already own it, so I think I better find the cash from somewhere, because life is so much easier when you have the right tools for the job, am I correct?

So, another week of school experience, then it's back to Uni. I'm quite keen to get back to Uni, only I have an assignment to complete and hand in a week after returning, so that's really going to put a damper on things, until I'm clear of that. Did I tell you how my Critical Observation went? No, I don't think so. Actually, it went about as well as I could possibly have hoped for, so I'm on to the next mountain and let's start climbing again!

Look Ma, No Wires!

In the very near future I'm going to take a step into the unknown and set-up a wireless home network, and probably change ISP after 4 years as well. There are a few very good reasons for doing so; firstly the kids are screaming out for the Internet all the time, and my pc is the only one in the house with Internet access, secondly they both want laptops for Christmas, and thirdly, so my son and I can play games against each other on a WLAN.

I can't really afford to buy them laptops, but an opportunity has presented itself, allowing me the possibility of purchasing them without VAT, which knocks off £100 for starters. Besides which, I recently acquired a wireless eTEC Modem/Router for nothing, so I have that ready to set-up, and also, I'm presently paying £25 a month for 4Mbps DSL, and I saw an ISP advertising 8Mbps in my area, for £20, with free local and international calls. A much better offer, I thnk you'll agree, which also means that I won't detect too much slowing down of my Internet speeds, should the kids be using it too.

Well, the fact is, that I have no idea how to set-up a wireless network and it may well require some other bits and pieces to do so, but in terms of Internt use, if as I supect, the kids have to go through my computer to access the Internet, then Netlimiter will allow me some means by which to ensure that they don't slow me down noticeably. Don't tell them though, they don't need to know do they? And if I'm on a priority download, I'm sure they'll quite readily accept that there are quite often problems associated with being on a wirelss network.

A Little Light Around the Ice-Caps!

I used to believe that those people who moaned about the town Christmas lights being a waste of money, electric and so on, were just a bunch of sourpusses. But, the cost of switching on the Christmas Lights is getting to the point where many towns are no longer bothering. They simply don't have the coffers to make it happen, especially with the government seeming to make local authorities responsible for paying for everything going, via our Council Tax of course.

Anyway, my wife's away helping with the school stalls or whatever, at the grand switch-on tonight, and my daughter will be singing carols with the school choir. Of course I said "used to believe" above implying that I've changed my position. Well I have and I haven't. Now that the kids don't believe in Santa anymore, the whole spark has gone out of it for me. They'll just become cynical about the whole thing. Beside, the eco-warriors would say that Chrismas Lights are killing the planet. Why is it always the small things we do at home and in public that are to blame as opposed to large scale industrial pollution and de-forestation. I don't feel particularly accountable for ice-shelf's breaking free and such like.

What really annoys me is the fact that every household could be self-sufficient for energy with simple tried and tested devices, cars can run on water (totally green), and as for recycling, why do we recycle everything except the stuff that isn't bio-degradable? As much as to say, recycling is a waste of time, unless it's plastic being recycled! So, yes, those people are sourpusses, but I think I'm heading the same way. Someone save me from unending cynicism?

Faust Arp - Webcast Deliciousness!

Told you I wouldn't have much time today, and that hasn't changed. Said I might give you a video and that hasn't changed either. If you don't like Radiohead then that's too bad (what's wrong with you). Regardless, watch this video of Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood with nothing but Thom's mic and Jonny's acoustic, on top of some Wintery hill someplace, just as it's getting dark. From their recent Webcast this is so cobbled together, yet utterly sublime. Talent oozing from every pore!

Stare Into the Chaos!

Weird picture eh? I can't tell you where I got it, or indeed how in fact it came to look like it does? Suffice to say, I know and you probably don't. Let's keep it that way for now, and I'll just say it wasn't photo-shopped or anything, so that should confuse you sufficiently much to make you want to know more. Yes, I am a tease! I let you have a glimpse into the chaos, tell you that it all makes perfect sense, then leave you at the altar. What a wicked person I must be!

So, Ive been busting a gut to get ready for the big event, which is imminent to say the least. I mean of course, my Critical Observation, when after less than 3 weeks practice, someone from the University is going to come and watch me teaching, take notes and form some sort of opinion of my ability. I'm not frightened, but I am feeling the pressure, because, get through this successfully and I won't have to endure a repeat process in January. That definitely makes it worthwhile doing well.

All that being said, I may not have much for you tomorrow, it's "Parents Night" and I will be there in observation mode. I will definitely do something for you though, no matter how brief and content free it will turn out to be! Probably just a video clip or something. Think I''ll go and find it now actually!

A Light In the Dark!

I found this image someplace and thought I would "borrow" it for your viewing pleasure. Apparently, this event only takes place once a year and for 5 minutes only even then. Click on the image to see it full size, it really is a viewing pleasure.

Ok, I had today off, but I've been working from 9 till 9 basically, trying to get stuff organised for my Critical Observation later this week. Even while planning for this special one-off lesson, I still have to get material ready for other lessons, and it's difficult, believe me. Anyone who says that teachers have it easy is either lying or knows nothing about it. My experience so far tells me that teachers actually live teaching. It's all encompassing, you have very little time left for anything outside of the school.

I have so many other things I'd like to get done right now, films to watch, books to read, music to listen to, and theres is absolutely no chance of me finding the time for those things for at least another 3 weeks. I have this week and next of school experience, and a week later I have an assignment to be submitted. It's going to be intense!

The Key To Change!

This is quite a big week for me, as I'm going to be critically observed teaching a lesson, near the end of it. I will be required to be all singing, all dancing, stimulating, motivating and entertaining, while also getting information across to the pupils. As you might guess, this will be no mean feat! I am presently working hard to try and produce a lesson with bells and whistles on it, but that in itself will not be enough, I still have to deliver it with panache, and then of course there is the one truly unpredictable factor... the kids!

In preparation for this, since there are in-sevice days today and tomorrow, I was given the opportunity to travel to another school today, and to hear from an experienced teacher, how they were getting results. This particular teacher had taken it upon themselves to completely change the way they taught, and had basically shifted then entire emphasis from themselves on to the pupils. This combined with the introduction of a competitive edge to every aspect of the work, meant that the pupils had taken repsonsibility for their own learning. The pupils operated as teams against each other, to be the best, even berrating each other for not revising! Additionally, there was a no homework policy in place. I thought "ingenious... I will steal every scrap I can from this".

I've also been considering my position vis a vis my ISP. I've been with them for 4 years now, and although I can't complain about the service, a certain other ISP is offering a much more attractive package than the one I'm currently on. So, change is imminent all around it would seem!

Borne Afar By Hercules!

We always think we're having a hard time of it, it's human nature, things could always be better, if only our luck would change. What we tend to forget, is just how desperate and often futile were the lives our ancestors lived. We may have very different backgrounds, you and I, but the likelihood is that no matter where your family originated, you can be rest assured that there was ample frustration, misery and misfortune along the years.

What has all this to do with Hercules then (as seen in the picture above)? Well, if you've followed my posts from a while back, you will know my affinity with genealogy (family history). Yes, I've done a bit of research, and even as an amateur, I now have around 11,000 individuals on my family tree. When I was at my researching peak (not working) around 2002-2003, I uploaded my tree to several major family history websites, and I've been receiving contacts from distant relatives ever since. It's a great way of expanding your family tree without doing any real work.

Wee, in a series of odd coincidences, just lately I've been receiving independent contact from several indiviuals in Australia, claiming to be related. They are indeed related. The basis of our relationship, lies in a dark passage of Scottish history, the Highland Clearances. Around about the 1850's, our mutual ancestors were living contentedly on the island of North Uist, when the landowner, the Lord of the Isles, decided to get rid of them and replace them with sheep. They were thrown out of their houses and their houses were torn down right in front of them, often at the onset of Winter.

They were then given paid passage as bonded labour, to the colonies; either Australia, New Zealand, America or Canada. In this instance, my ancestors went to America, but returned within a few years, but a large batch of their near relatives were dispatched to South Australia, onboard a ship called the "Hercules" (tenuous connection to picture established). There they married into a already well established Irish community, became Catholics themselves (of necessity) and proceeded to have enormous families in consequence. The odd thing was that I was contacted by 3 descendants of those emigrants virtually within a day of each other, purely by coincidence. Perhaps it's in vogue right now for Australians to trace their heritage. These things do seem to become popular in certain places, all of a sudden.

A Force Of Nature!

Apparently, record numbers will be leaving the UK this Winter break, seeking sunshine in distant locales. They say this every year, as though it has come as some surprise that people might prefer 2 weeks of sunshine, to darkness, rain, sleat, wind, family get-togethers and sherry. It's a no-brainer in my opinion. If you have the cash, do it! Personally I hate the long hours of darkness, I think I suffer from SAD (Sunshine... something or other disorder). It's very common in the North of Scotland. That's why people in Orkney and Shetland kill themselves more per head than anywhere else, during these long dark months.

It's not even as though we get snow anymore either. At least that cheered people up a little bit, and since it reflected back the light, it was reversing some of the effects of SAD. But we don't really get snow anymore, the weather patterns have long lost that predictability which they once had. I've heard the eldsters talking about 6 feet of snow, and I can't recall more than a few inches at best.

Perhaps you're reading this and as a resident of someplace either very hot or very cold, you might think it unacceptable for me to complain about weather which is nether here nor there, but believe me when I say that extremes are the way to go. We don't want overcast, windy and mild everyday. We want heatwaves and blizzards. That's what makes it bearable, natures fury unleashed. Well, a little bit of it anyhow, not the full whack. Couldn't have that!

Those Pesky Column-Makers!

It's extremely fortunate for you US citizens, to have a President with such great insight. Along with his Vice-President, they have realised that the last column in this picture is the most dangerous. They call this the Fifth Column, and the guys who make this particular column are called Fifth Columnists. Clearly such a column is created to undermine society, so in order to stop these Fifth Columnists, they have had to build 500 concentration camps around the country, each able to hold 5,000 individuals. There seem to be a lot of column makers going around. It only seems fair that the Vice-President award the contract to a company he has major shares in, because can anyone else really be trusted with a task of this importance?

How are they going to find these column makers then? It seems that they will take the guise of protestors against US foreign policy, otherwise known as terrorists. Certainly, speaking out against your own goverment is at best unpatriotic, but more than likely signifies your role as a collaborator. Good people will be able to express their patriotism by ensuring that their unpatriotic neighbours are consigned to these concentration camps, for the good of all.

It might be necessary to establish Martial Law at this point, because the President has taken steps to ensure that the Constitution will pose no barrier to his ruling the country forever, in the case of a national emergency. The Fifth Columnists will have aligned themselves with nationals from countries where there's oil, hoping to get themselves invaded so that the oil can be taken forcibly from them. If this happens then the President will control the World, unless of course he stops China or Russia from getting the supplies they require. If it gets to that point, don't worry, because your great leader will have the answer to avoiding Armageddon. Apparently he talks to God on a regular basis!