Gradually Graduating Towards Graduation!

Hard on the heels of my degree certificate, came the information pack and guest tickets for my graduation in about 6 weeks time. Early indicators suggest I might be wearing a kilt to the ceremony, we'll have to wait and see though. My wife and I had a, should I say, "heated discussion" about why there were only 2 guest tickets in the pack, when I had asked for 3. I explained that there was only meant to be 2, that it had said I would only get 2, and that it also said there was great demand. Of course, that wasn't sufficent, I would have to phone and demand an additional ticket. The whole "discussion" became a moot point really when she picked up the tickets and discovered there were 2 stuck together. That was my fault too. As a husband and father, I find that being to blame is just part of the job.

I'm beginning to get the sense that this could be an incredibly hard year. There are high expectations on me, from everyone including myself it seems. I envision that some of the things I'll have to do in the coming months will test me like never before. Not that I doubt I can do it, and I certainly want to do it. It's just this external pressure that's beginning to build even after a week. What will it be like later on if it continues to build? You just don't realise what it takes to become a teacher, it feels like I'm climbing Everest, and that when I get to the top, I'll find it's just the first mountain in a chain of peaks.

So far, the lecturers and tutors have been amazing. I just can't believe how good these people are at talking, and with such confidence and exuberance. Perhaps that's where a lot of the pressure is coming from. They're setting the bar so high for us, that the task seems enormous, but I've met teachers before, and they're not all geniuses, far from it in fact, some of them haven't met up to my expectations of what a teacher should be at all. Perhaps I'm merely realising just how prestigious a Uni I'm in, and seeing first-hand why it's so damn prestigious.

I've Lost My Smell!

Got a bit of a double boost when I arrived home this evening. First off, my certificate for my BSc had arrived, and secondly, on starting up my computer, I spotted that my internet speed has doubled yet again. Furthermore, my upload speed has also doubled, that's a first. Although, it's still 1/10th of my download speed.

Otherwise, it seems Uni has changed me! In what way you ask? Well, I think I've lost my smell. Everyone has their own unique natural smell, which you will know very well and be accustomed to. However, mine has changed, and I blame public transport for the outrage. I don't like my new smell, it smells of trains and buses, and worse, of the great unwashed. It makes me feel dirty, and I just want to get in to the shower right now. But, I feel it is my duty to report this to you, so that you will be better prepared, should you have to resort to public transport yourself in future. God help you! It's not pleasant, it's not funny and it steals your smell.

I enjoyed today. Today we had an active teacher come in and tell us a bit about what teaching is like right now, what issues we will face and how we will be given the tools to deal with them. Basically, at the lowest level, he told us that a teacher is an actor. You have to seem confident when you're nervous. You have to act knowledgable, even though the kids ask questions you don't have the answer to. There are tools for coping with these things, all that's needed is a tool-box to put those tools into.

No Entry For Drunks!

Back for my second day at Uni today. I left early so that I could hand in my application form for a Young Person's Railcard, at Keith station. On both accounts, I failed my mission. Firstly, the road to Keith was closed because there had been an accident (unfortunately fatal, I found out later). So, I had to go round by Fochabers, and any extra time I had gained by leaving early was lost. Secondly, the guy in the ticket-office refused to process my application because it would hold up the queue. Meh!

The bus part of the journey went much smoother than on Monday though. As I came out of the train station, I saw a bus at stand 10 of the bus station, which is the one I want. So I hurried over, got straight on, and the bus left right away, exiting the station without a hitch this time. The upshot being, I arrived at the Uni 20 minutes earlier than I did on Monday.

Today we were learning about multi-culturalism and specifically social inclusion. Skipping that quickly to the homeward journey, it seems like I'm some sort of drunk magnet. This time the guy opposite me across the table on the train was absolutely paralytic. Fortunately however, he slept for most of the journey, waking occasionally to mumble some gibberish or to type a couple letters into his mobile. I think he was trying to text his wife saying he was on his way home, but he never finished it. He managed to get off at some point anyway, which was a relief. Back again tomorrow. This time I must make a conscious effort to avoid attracting drunkards.

Information Technology and Political Correctness!

OK, I'm sort of recovered from ny knackering day yesterday. I do have an assignment of sorts for tomorrow, based around Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech. Apparently social inclusion is to be a key component of the course. I see what they're trying to achieve here, but I am slightly concerned about getting caught up in some political correctness orientation, since I'm not particularly aware of which current politically correct tendencies and usages are acceptable. Ah well, winging it again I suppose!

On a lighter note, I had intended to mention previously, the return of the Channel 4 comedy "The IT Crowd" last week, which I had decided wasn't that brilliant first time out, although to be honest, I can't really remember if it was or not. Anyway, new series and willing to give it another chance, and how clever was I, it was actually hilarious. This fits in neatly with the political correctness theme, because the characters found themselves at a gay musical called "Gay" and mucho capers ensued, managing to drag in disability as well without actually offending any minorities. Dangerous ground, but they got away with it. Funniest thing I've seen in some time, British comedy really has gone stale hasn't it?

On the IT difficulties front, I saw something in the paper yesterday about some of the ridiculous problems that people had phoned up AOL about. Some guy said that his modem wasn't working and it transpired that it was still in the box. I also found these:

• Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
  Female customer: A white one…

• Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
  Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
  Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
  Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
  Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

• Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
  Customer: Your left or my left?

• Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
  Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
  Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
  Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

Who'd want to be the IT guy? Makes teaching look like a safe bet!

First Day At Uni!

Whew, that was a long day, I'm knackered. I was up at 5:45am, which might not seem too early, but I never got home till 6:50pm. I cocked things up a bit going in early anyway, as I thought I had to meet a studies adviser in the morning, although I didn't know what time. Turned out it was only those training to be Primary School teachers that had appoinments, so I was kicking my heels till mid-day.

From noon till 1pm we had to attend a welcome meeting in the Arts Lecture Hall, at which point I realised how many trainee teachers there were in the Uni this year. About 400 it was reckoned, but that's Primary and Secondary combined. After that, it was waiting around again until about 2:45, when I went to complete my registration. That went quicker than expected, so I hopped straight on a bus for the train station about 3:10. Damn bad luck, I missed the train by about 2 minutes, and they only run every two hours. Crap eh? It's like a third world country up here in the North of Scotland.

When the next train finally came, it had some technical problems. Deja-vu! The last time I used the same train, the driver couldn't get it started. Third World efficiency too! The train finally got going, packed to the rafters, and about 10 minutes behind schedule. The guy I managed to find a seat beside had come prepared, he had 6 bottles of Bud with him, nothing else mind, just the beer. I heard him mutter "alcohol" every time he reached for another bottle. His burps were reeking too!

So, I'm back on Wednesday and Thurday for similar punishment. We have to attend a reception from 3:30 till 5pm on Wednesday. I'll be leaving that before it finishes, I'm not going to catch the 7:15 train. That would make it near 9 before I got home, no way!

Let's All Join Hands!

Hah, yesterday I discovered the joys of Bebo, sort of. I don't have any intention of making a page for myself on Bebo, but I'd heard that there were some pics from the mother-in-law's 60th birthday party, on a relative's Bebo page. So, obviously when my wife found out that her picture was on there too, she insisted that I look it up so she could see how horrible the photo was (typical women eh?).

So, it was easy enough to find the page we were looking for, we had a look at the photos, then of course we recognised some of the friends listed, so we went to their pages too. Before you knew it we were howling with laughter at hilarious pictures of relatives, friends and even our next-door neighbours. It's a very odd thing though, looking at someone's photos like that, it feels as though you've broken into their house and are rummaging through their belongings.

The one thing we did notice though, is that the sort of person who has a listing on Bebo, and uploads loads of photos of themselves, are clearly vanity personified. Every single one of them was posing and pouting and clearly of the opinion that they looked fantastic. However, my experience tells me that only ugly people are convinced of their own beauty, just as idiots consider themselves to be the most intelligent people they know. How they come about this conviction I do not know, but I've seen it manifest itself innumerable times. It's a social distortion, just like someone very intelligent is unlikely to make a fortune. But, someone a bit dim is far more likely to earn themselves a fortune, because taking stupid risks is the key. In that respect perhaps intelligence and beauty are double-edged swords!

It's Crunch Time!

I have a fateful decision to make tomorrow. Well, it's not entirely down to me, but nevertheless, I must take part in it. A decision which could effectively put two guys out of work, one of whom has had the job for more than twenty years. You see, I'm on a committee for a club (have been for almost 10 years) and it's gotten to the stage where there's way more going out than coming in. The cost of running a business of that sort these days is unbelievable. For instance, although we use little in the way of water, having a water supply costs us about £1200 per annum.

We were just about getting by alright though, until the insurance company asked for an electrical inspection. Well, the existing electrics are 30 years old and the inspection found over 50 major problems. So basically we'd be as well re-wiring the whole building, but we don't have that sort of cash available and there's no way of acquiring it really. We could take out a loan, but it's doubtful we'd be able to re-pay it the way the business is going. So, the decision must be taken on what to do next. I have some ideas on how we can possibly continue operating, but like I said, the whole committee must decided together. It could be messy, as the two employees will be in attendance... groan!

Have you ever wondered how it must feel to put a load of people out of their jobs? I think major companies hire people specifically to do that nowadays. What a horrible job, you'd need to be soul-less or downright evil just to avoid getting manically depressed. It's true though, to be a success in business you need to be ruthless. I'm not really into ruthlessness, I do have a soul, I have scruples and I'm holding on to them!

Look What the Cat's Dragged In!

Don't get me wrong, I like cats, but why do they always have to s**t in my garden? And, I thought that most people who had a pet would have either a cat or a dog. Well, not round here they don't. There are just as many people with a menagerie as there are with single pets. As the only house for some distance with no pets, all the local cats seem inexplicably drawn to my garden, where they leave tell-tale signs for the other cats, so they'll know who's been in recently.

My daughter is always on at me about getting a pet. I had a cat when I was younger, so she believes that to be justification enough for her having one too. However, I've made my stance very clear, as in "No Pets!". The reasons; well, besides their being smelly, messy, destructive, attention seeking and just plain downright annoying sometimes, I don't want to feed and clean up behind it, which is what would happen. So, no pets in this house!

I was going to write an article on corporal punishment today, after that 11 year old was murdered in Liverpool. In fact I did write it, but was conveniently reminded by my wife, that a prospective teacher should not get involved in such topics, so it was moderated accordingly, ie. I deleted the whole thing. Sometimes opinions are best kept to yourself!

Ticket To the Limit One More Time!

Treated myself to a mince and onion bridie from the bakers for lunch today! Absolutely love them with baked beans and tomato sauce. I just load the whole lot on to the plate and mix it all up into mush, then devour. Some people might consider that kind of sick, but I can assure you it's lovely. You just don't know until you try.

Also, happened to chance upon my Radiohead ticket stub from the AEC - 1st December 2003. I've been trying to find that for the last year or so with no joy, then happened to find it while looking for something else. Isn't that always the way? Reminds me of when I used to work for Riddoch's. A co-worker of mine, "M**e S***h" (Name altered for privacy, but it's the same as a BBC radio 1 DJ from the 80's who was in a helicopter crash with his girlfriend Sarah Greene!) was a huge Bon Jovi fan. I'm talking 97 here I think. Anyway, I told him about the time I went to see them at the SECC in Glasgow in 1989, how they were at their peak and so on. He absolutely refused to believe me, even when I showed him the stub for the concert. Ah well!

Back to the bridie, it was lovely as I said, but then again I do like my food. It's my only vice really and it's not really a vice since eating is essential to survive, so I may as well enjoy it IMO. That said, I'm feeling really unfit right now, three years at College does that to a man. I'm hoping that Uni will at least allow me to get some exercise, albeit little, other than that I may have to resort to, heaven forbid.... dieting! No.............. !

The Not-So Phantom Menace!

We've got a real gull menace here right now! What do I mean by menace? Well every time we go out the door we get dive-bombed by the rats with wings. There's a mother gull across the road with 2 chicks, both bigger than her, and she's diving at anything and anyone that moves. It wouldn't be a big problem if it was the only one, but they're all over the town.

I have a theory about why there's been a marked increase in the seagull presence in this town and most other coastal towns. It goes something like this: The fishing industry used to be massive and the seagull population feasted on the residual matter (ie. fish guts and offal) from the fishing. On this basis a large seagull population was tolerable, especially as they were not living in the towns, but usually in cliff colonies etc. With the decline in the fishing industry, these gull colonies have had to find alternative sources of food and being lazy vermin, discarded human food waste is the easiest option. So the gulls nest in the towns where the food is most easily obtained to feed their chicks.

Of course, a massive nationwide cull is required, but it'll never happen because the do-gooders would never permit it, they are living creatures after all. We're such a nation of bleeding hearts! Fortunately, the chicks across the road should soon be ready to leave, but something tells me they'll be back again next year. Creatures of habit and all that!

Learn To Fly!

Yes, hooray, the kids are back at school! Now I can furtively sneak a shot on their PS2 and no-one need be any the wiser. Unfortunately for me, I only have a week in which I'll be able to do so, for as of next Monday, it's back to school for me too. Well, not school, Uni, but within several weeks I will indeed be at school. Yes, that's right, they don't hang about with this teacher training malarkey. Five or six weeks training and then I'll be unleashed on some secondary school somewhere.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what this course is going to consist of; lectures... check! essays... check! classroom time... check! How exactly I'm supposed to learn how to become a teacher I'm not sure. Then of course there's the small issue of what the hell am I going to be teaching? Computing obviously, but it's quite a big subject area when you look at it as a whole. Then there's pitching lessons at the right level for the right classes.

I have also been informed that a considerable portion of a teacher's time is spent planning lessons. A lesson plan must be created covering duration, equipment, type of learning exercise... and innumerabe other factors which must also be considered. Yep, teaching looks quite easy from a spectators point of view, but I'm certain that it will be pretty hard work, at least to begin with.

The Great Glen Of Approval!

I hear that a great travesty is yet again to be foisted upon the people of Scotland and mainly because it's been done many times before and we took it. So we'll take it again and just like before it will then be rolled out to the rest of the UK. I can only hope that since we have a nationalist party in power in this country, that on this occasion they'll tell Westminster where to stick it.

I know I'm being elusive so far, but what I'm talking about here is ID Cards. Just as Poll Tax and the Smoking Ban were tried out in Scotland first, rumour abounds that the ID Card will come to us first. I know that other countries already have ID card schemes in operation, But in our case as with the US, the ID card will only be a small part in a much larger surrender of civil liberties and of course terrorism is the stick with which they'll beat us in to acceptance.

I read that the Scottish Labour Executive brought in legislation (either section 52 or section 57, can't be certain) over 2 years ago, which basically allows them to keep personal details on every Scots person, and I mean every detail; bank, health, employment, property, criminal... everything! Of course, any vigilant person will notic that President Bush has also just recently awarded himself the same powers, although he's been collecting info since 2001.

The question of course is what will they do with that info? Well, they really want to bring in ID cards, so that they can tie your personal details to a biological data bank. Once they have all that on you, they will be able to crush you instantaneously if required. It could be for something as trivial as attending an anti-government demonstration. The way the laws are being shaped right now, something like that could brand you as unpatriotic, anarchic and a terrorist. Of course, terrorist suspects can be held for a long time without being charged, and they could do that again and again. That's where we're heading, don't think they care about you, you're just a number, a statistic, and if you become a negative statistic then you will serve no purpose for them any longer!

When The Music's Over!

Yep, the party's over! I wasn't too drunk and I'm not too hungover either. I am of course talking about my Mother-in-law's 60th Birthday Party, which was held in the local social club last night. I did consider taking the camera, but then I thought "You know what, I can't be arsed, I'll just scoop it back instead!", so no incriminating photos. You would have liked that wouldn't you?

There was a real eclectic mix of people though, which was good. Most bizarre moment for me, came when my father took my mother's friend up to dance to "Sympathy For the Devil"! You wouldn't see anything odd about that, but let me put it into context for you. My mother and her friend are more than slightly religious and any mention of the devil would more than likely send either of them off on one. Also, my father is in no way whatsoever religious, so on this occasion may have been representative of the horned one himself. But of course, none of them knew what the song was anyway, so I permitted myself a little chuckle at their expense of course.

The weather was atrocious here last night though and we had to walk home in the rain and wind. I always like to walk home after drinking, it clears my head and sobers me up, so I don't go to bed with my head spinning. That's a sure fire recipe for barfarama! I don't know why but I seem to have dyslexic typing skills today, I think I'm still slightly intoxicated!

The Importance Of Being Occupied!

Sometime back I realised that there is a trait common to all my family, or at least my father, myself, my brother and my two kids. The fact is that all of us are unable to sit for any length of time doing nothing. We need to be occupied all the time, but it gets worse. I first noticed in myself and now see it in the rest of my family, that we also don't like to be doing one particular thing for too long either. That is, we rapidly lose interst in something, and divert our attention elsewhere.

Obviously, this characteristic is a double-edged sword. Doing something is clearly more productive in doing nothing and my brain needs constant stimulation, that much is true. However, when placed in a working environment, particularly where a large degree of repetitive behaviour was required... well, you can imagine how claustraphobic I felt. The only real surprise was that I stuck it for so long. That was because I had a family! When I was single and with no committments, I found it very difficult to see things through, but I've trained myself now I believe, to do what I have to do!

Yes, it's not easy when you need constant mental stimulation and this trait becomes even more apparent when on holiday. I find sitting at the pool or on the beach, almost akin to mental torture. Two hours on a deck-chair without a book or magazine and I'm crawling up the walls. I just hope that teaching will bring me the sort of challenge and fulfillment I need!

Comic Genius!

As a child growing up in the late 70's - early 80's, there was one absolute requirement for mind fodder. I'm referring of course to comic books. My first ever encounter with comic books was when I bought the first issue of a comic called "Speed". I was totally enthralled. As the name suggests, all of the stories were centred around the theme of speed. Google tells me that the date of issue was in fact 22nd Feb 1980, so I was 9 years old at the time, an impressionable age.

Eventually, Speed joined with Tiger and then it just became Tiger. Unfortunately Tiger just wasn't so good as Speed, so I bailed out. My next comic was to be "Scream", which was also excellent, although again obvious from the title, featured horror stories. Unfortunately, Scream only lasted for about 20 issues, so I tried The Beano for a while, but it was too childish for my liking.

I hit a bit of a comic void after that, although I did purchase quite a few issues of "Commando", because all my Grandparents had played their part in WWII, and I'd heard many tales about that and felt it was my duty to educate myself about the war in the best way possible, ie. by comic-strip.

The last comic I was to purchase and which I bought without fail through the best part of the 80's, was 2000AD. What a fantastic comic that was! Offering both tantalising glimpses of the future and of the past, other worlds, technology and humour. My favourite characters were Slaine, Rogue Trooper, Ace Garp and Nemesis. Surprisingly, I've seen many of the ideas from 2000AD come to fruition and I'm sure many more will. I guess I stopped buying comics (except Viz maybe) when I got a job. Reality has a harsh way of crushing your imagination doesn't it? Not that my imagination has gone altogether, I still read a lot of books just to keep my mind ticking over nicely, but I require stimulation intelectually on several levels, so it's rare that a book ticks all the required boxes for me.

Jack In the Box!

I couldn't help but laugh at the news last night, not that it's a laughing matter really, but you can't help but appreciate how naive our Ex-First Minister really is. Yes, Scotland's Labour Party Leader Jack McConnell has resigned. He was First Minister for more than 5 years. He used to be a teacher too, but unfortunately what he possesses in good intentions, he completely lacks in foresight. Not only that, he just won't take good advice when given.

What am I getting at? Well, the word is, that McConnell is going to undertake some voluntary work for a charity, before taking up the post of British High Commissioner to Malawi. So, what's so funny you ask? If indeed you don't know, I'll spell it out for you. McConnell visited Malawi for 5 days back in 2005 and was so deeply moved by his visit that he decided to set up a fundraising drive, despite a warning from Scots based charities that the public would view it as no longer necessary for them to give money to organisations raising money for Malawi.

Jack was determined though, he would give £3 million a year to Malawi, it was his personal crusade. And, hadn't he promised those kids in Malawi that he would help them? So, the money was sent off to Malawi, although Jack was warned that it was highly likely that government officials in Malawi would steal the cash, because Malawi was on the UN blacklist for aid. The people who needed the help wouldn't get it. "Oh no", said Jack, "that won't happen, I can assure you!" But, of course that's exactly what happened, the money was sent and those who were waiting for it are still waiting. Did Jack apologise? No, he's not sorry, far from it, it seems to have made him even more determined to do something. So, just like Tony becoming the UK's peace envoy to the Middle East, Jack is also set to make some money from the scene of his biggest crime. It seems that there are no punishments for political misdemeanours, just a sliding reward scale.

On a lighter note, the Mother-in-law is 60 today, so we're taking her out for a meal tonight, with a big party on Saturday. Should be interesting, I'll keep you posted on my disgusting drunken behaviour to follow.

Don't Believe the Hype!

The more observant among you may have noticed my new blog banner upon your disembarkation at this URL. The less observant will wonder what the hell I'm twittering on about this time. Last week I had a carrier bag of dvds thrust upon me and over the last few days I've just about managed to find the time to watch a few of them. So, for your benefit I will now give you the low-down on the following films:

• The Illusionist
• Blood Diamond
• Casino Royale

The Illusionist starring Ed Norton first. I thought this would be my cup of tea when I first saw the trailer for it, and I was right. Thought provoking, clever and with an excellent plot flow. The plot flow part, you might notice is something I've been critical of in several films recently, not least Harry Potter and the Order Of the Pheonix. More to follow!

Blood Diamond was pretty much what I expected really. A pretty decent film looking at the artocities in Sierra Leone (although violence seems to abound all over Africa), but judging by the news I've seen over recent years, it's a lot worse than that. Fairly decent performance by DiCaprio, yet I can't help thinking that he's a little too boyish looking for this role. Worth seeing if you still think that diamonds are a girls best friend!

Casino Royale, pah! I'd heard that this was the best Bond film since Connery was 007. Wrong! There's a great series of stunts at the start where 007 is chasing some guy through a building site, up cranes and stuff, but then it fails to say why he was chasing him. Unfortunately, it only gets worse. Bond seems to globe-trot through the film with little explanation of why he's doing so and despite the lovely scenery (Venice and Lake Como), I can assure you that sailing a yacht into Venice and up the Grand Canal on a whim is highly unlikely to be permitted. The ending was pretty naff too. I hear that the Daniel Craig love interest in the next film is to be played by Shilpa Shetty. Oh, please! Come off it!

Besides the dvds, I finally had a chance to go and see Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End! Since the last POTC film was a major disappointment, I had hoped they would have turned it around with this one, but no, wrong again. It was awful! Some of the major plot features were simply giant steaming turds, nice special effects, but just ridiculous concepts. The storyline was fairly flimsy too, and the film went on way too long (nearly 3 hours of dross). Apparently Johnny Depp wants to reprise the role, so that means there will be more, but not for me, I've had my fill I'm afraid!

False Memory Syndrome?

Someone in my family is suffering from "False Memory Syndrome" and I'm fairly sure it isn't me! My brother increasingly diverges in his versions of events which occured in our childhood, from the manner in which I recall those same events. It's been going on for the last few years and it's getting to the stage where he's trying to convince me that I'm the one who can't remember, when I know damn well my recollections are accurate.

However, he does suffer from bizzare dreams, which he then ties to real events. In other words, he thinks he's prophetic. So clearly, in my opinion, someone who intertwines dreams with reality in such a way, is far more likely to recall real events other than they actually happened.

For instance, I related to him certain things a family member had done (nothing too sinister I assure you), and his response was that he couldn't believe that such a person would have done those things. Fair enough. He clearly saw this person in a different light from me, but that was because he couldn't be objective, having a closer realtionship with that person than I have. So far, it's all fairly comprehensible, but then he took it up a notch.

I was talking about something that happened to me when I was younger, some major event, and he said that it had happened differently. I told him he couldn't possibly know because he wasn't there. His reply was that he was definitely there, it was me that wasn't there, and he was adamant about it. I was dumbfounded by this. It seems to me that he'd heard this story I'd probably talked about many times, and somehow made himself into the main protagonist. I guess my vivid description had allowed it to happen. That and his susceptibility to mental suggestion. I wonder if this is how False Memory Syndrome works? That combined with several obssessive compulsive behaviours he displays, suggests to me that it is indeed!

My Life In Music!

Yes, I'm going to lay my soul bare about the music that has influenced and affected me so far in my life. Why? I'm not sure, just what was in my head when I stepped up to the terminal. I was going to denegrate modern music seeing that I've already expounded on the failings of modern telvision and gaming, but then I realised I don't know enough about modern music. Its so bland I've pretty much given up listening to new stuff!

Anyway, it all started back in the early 80's. The first band that I believed merited buying their album, was Big Country. The year was 1983, the album was "The Crossing", and as with most of the albums I've ever bought, I'll still say that's a damn fine album. From Big Country I got into Marillion and then U2. "The Unforgettable Fire" was and still is truly magnificent, and although I preferred "The Joshua Tree", I hated most of what they did after that, and thinking back "The Unforgettable Fire" is a far more honest album anyway.

I think a lot changed for me musically around 1987. I was unexpectedly exposed to the commercial face of Heavy Metal, by which I mean 2 particular tracks which had a profound influence on me. They were, Iron Maiden's "Can I Play With Madness" and AC/DC's "Heatseeker". Shortly afterwards I had long hair (more bushy really), a leather jacket and skin tight jeans with the kness ripped open. My volte-face in musical tastes also permitted me to make some great friends, who although I've lost touch with most, I'll never forget them!

I think that after that, I mostly plundered the Heavy Metal archives, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and the likes. Couldn't believe I hadn't heard Led Zeppelin before, I realised I'd missed something there, but I'd been too young anyway. The next change in musical tastes came with the arrival of Grunge around 1990, but on that front I was an early adopter. I had Nirvana and Soundgarden albums long before most Brits had heard of them. I also took to Alice In Chains and Pearl Jam, before they were popular also, but bizarrely as those bands did become popular, I became bored with them.

I got married in 1993 and with my son born in 94, I didn't have much time to notice anything musically then, even though I watched MTV2 regularly. The only track which got my attention, on seeing the now iconic video, was "Creep" by Radiohead. I filed that one away as a band to keep an eye on. I wan't wrong. When "The Bends" came out, it was just one huge track after another. I knew that I'd found a new favourite. And, Radiohead have been my favourite band ever since then. I still listen to other stuff, I quite like Sigur Ros and I get the LZ out now and again too. However, I don't like the music that's dominating at the moment, it does absolutely nothing for me. It will take something exraordinary to rouse this beast from his musical dormancy!

Power Corrupts So Free Power Not Permitted!

I'm sure that you, just like me realise that our governments have absolutley no interest in what's good for us. It seems that they're no longer even concerned with what's good for our country. The only thing that they care about is what's beneficial to themselves as individuals. What's in it for them? That's why we see Bush and Putin and others scrambling for the World's natural resources. Do you think the war in Iraq is about anything other than oil? Well perhaps it's also about arms. The Bush family shares heavily in businesses that deal in both. Surely that's a conflict of interests. Putin has his own massive personal oil and gas interests and is actively securing those interests in a fairly agressive manner.

It's not to difficult to envision the two superpowers along with other emerging superpowers eventually coming to loggerheads over the acquisition of these abundant resources. I read yesterday that in response to the Russians planting a flag on the seabed below the North Pole, the Canadians are building some new stations and military training facilities close to the Pole. In other words they are going to plant a military presence in the area to assert their right over it. Can't see Putin taking it lying down.

But the real point I want to make here is that we don't even need those resources. There are several ways in which we can generate free green energy. So why aren't we aware of them and using them? Well, who would profit from that? Oil, Gas, Electric and Petrol generate massive amounts of cash. Which government in the World would give that up for the benefit of their people? Which businessmen would permit their government to do so? None of them is the answer! The most hilarious part is when they claim that we should pay more taxes to combat climate change, which they are inevitably responsible for allowing to continue.

Bizzarely, I've seen several devices on the Internet, which could save the planet, but they always just disappear. From cars running on water (mnay individuals have succeeded in achieving this, many also died mysteriously), to houses powered simply using sunlight and rain-water, with a device costing only £200. Your utility companies would never allow that! Also, a motor using powerful electro-magnets is easily made and once set in motion achieves perpetual motion. Many of these have been built cheaply and proven effective. They would work both in your car and for household power. Don't expect to see it on the market too soon though. Not until we've had a World War over natural resources. It'll end in tears, that's for sure!

We Are Finding Who We Are!

I see the great debate on the origins of modern man are once again raging fiercely. The proponents of the "Out Of Africa" theory have a new enemy, the "Out Of Asia" party. Of course the latter have been undermined by the former through the former declaring that an Asiatic origin might simply have been a stopover en route from Africa.

At the same time the analysis of many newly discovered skull samples, seems to be indicating that the origins of the human species was in fact far from linear, as had previously been thought, with species diverging and converging like the branches of a tree, or more like a family tree to be precise, which it is really! A giant family tree all the way back to whatever it was that we spawned from, if indeed that was what happened.

I think there are great discoveries to be made regarding human origins, but even greater discoveries concerning how human kind has got to be where it is right now. Unfortunately, there's just has much chance we'll self-destruct before we find those answers. It seems distinctly odd to me that it's always the baser levels of society who call the shots and who hold power. Truly intelligent people have no interest in warring or religion, the source of all intolerance. But nobody seems to want to hear ideas which promote the interests of the future of humanity.

Scotland's Got Talent

Our new First Minister Alex Salmond has been relatively quiet, until this week at least, when he chose to make an issue of the fact that Scotland should have its own news rather than a London based broadcast with mainly Engish news topics. I can see his point, but I only watch for the international news rather than UK news and I think that Reporting Scotland or North Tonight cover local news quite well, in as far as it's usually fairly pedestrian anyway!

I suspect however, that the main issue at stake here has nothing to do with the news. Salmond enlarged on the topic by expressing dissatisfaction with the number of shows made in Scotland, being commissioned by the BBC. He indicated that he felt the BBC were London biased and had claimed that Scotland didn't have the necessary talent. Perhaps he has a point and anyone can see that most programmes filmed in Scotland over recent years hardly reflect Scotland. Monarch of the Glen for instance was a thinly veiled Englishman's stereotypical Scotland, while Take the High Road ( later High Road) portrayed the parochial cliched Shepherd and Gamekeeper type Scotsman, more akin to the 19th century. More recently we've had River City, which I can't even bear to watch, it's so bad, is Glasgow really like that? I'd like to think not!

Getting to the point, what I really think this is aiming at is the need to have a film studio in Scotland. The main proponent for a film studio in Scotland, has been for a long time, Sir Sean Connery. Sean Connery has also been a firm backer of the SNP for many years and he and Alex Salmond have been friends for a long time. Salmond in fact threw a party for Connery at his Bute House residence in June. There's no way on Earth that Salmond won't try to push the idea of a film studio in Scotland, for his good friend Connery. I certainly think we should have one, but there is of course one obstacle that Salmond will have to deal with, which is why I think he opened up the debate in the way he did. Tough laws and fees required for permission to film in Scotland are keeping production companies (especially smaller ones) away. If a film studio is to go ahead Salmond will have to push for a substantial relaxation in those areas. That will be his toughest challenge! If he succeeds, the advantages to the Scots economy could be huge!

The Banking Clan Attempt To Control Universe!

Sensational headline, but mark my words, "Today's Science Fiction is tomorrow's reality!" Ha, what tosh, I hear you retort. Well no, actually. Take a look at what's going on around you and you'll see what I mean. Let me try and make it plain for you.

This morning marked my annual visit to the bank, to "update my record"! By now I've become quite accustomed to the format, they pretend that the meeting is for my benefit, then try and sell me on Life Assurance, Car Insurance, Pensions etc. Nothing too sinister in that eh? Oh, but there is! What is sinister is the increasing manner in which the bank presumes that we're in some way beholden to them. At one time banks provided a friendly and non-threatening service. Now, they're all menace and power-mad. You can sense it in their letters and you can sense it even better face to face.

The unfolding scenario as I see it is thus; The banks want to charge you a monthly fee just for having an account, you should be grateful that they have gifted you this gracious favour. On top of that they're planning charging you a fee for every direct debit, for every cash withdrawal, for evrey card transaction. You're looking at, at least £300 fees a year, possibly way more depending on how many transactions you make. They can do this because you need them. All wages are now paid by BACS, into your bank account and many services such as utilities will only accept direct debit payments. You need an account and the bank knows it, they've got you by the balls!

Unfortunately, the future of banking looks even bleaker for Joe Public. A smart person would tell you (I will tell you!) that our government are desperate to move towards a cashless society and believe me, that is not going to benefit you, but your bank will be rubbing their hands in glee at the prospect of such an event. Firstly, your life will then belong to your bank! They will be able to break you instantly, possibly even just for disrespecting them. They would simply freeze your account and your life would become instantly unbearable (anyone seen Enemy Of the State). Secondly, all the banks will work in cahoots to make sure that they can squeeze oodles of cash out of everyone, in transaction fees. Thirdly, you won't be able to sell things yourself unless you have a card reader, because all transactions will be recorded. Got some cash you don't want anyone to know about, not anymore you won't!

So now you can see how the Banking Clan became so powerful in the Star Wars films, cashless society = evil bankers. I hope you get this, it's definitely where we're heading!

The Revenge of the GDub!

You may recall that only last week the evil KDub chose the opportune setting of Cullen Golf Course as the ideal location to humiliate his honourable father, GDub the modest. Well, this morning he thought that the sunny weather would provide another suitable opportunity, but this time on his home turf at Buckpool Golf Course, where victory would surely be guaranteed. But he was wrong to think that his father was old and feeble, for GDub was ready to do battle and this time there could be only one winner!

In a situation very much similar to that in which King Arthur and Mordred found themselves, except with metal sticks and little white balls, as opposed to Broadswords and Chainmail, we set off on what might prove to be the final battle of the year. Because, I start at Uni in 2 weeks and it's £20 a pop for a round. We both started off terribly, but then I began to settle into my game and the evil KDub couldn't take the heat. His game went to shit on the Par 3 8th Hole where he carded an eleven, and after that he had little chance of overthrowing his father GDub the Impressive.

No pars for me this time, but a few opportunities which caught the rim of the hole, and although I took 5 strokes more than at Cullen, it must be pointed out that Buckpool is 1500 yards longer than Cullen at 6097 and 4597 yards respectively. Still, a 15 stroke victory and KDub was left to lick his wounds. I don't doubt he'll be back, but for now I can bask in my glorious conquest!

How To Fake History Pt.1!

The image above depicts Thoth, the Egyptian God of Wisdom although his status as a God has been questioned, as egyptologists in the 19th century were at loggerhead over whether all Egyptian Gods were revered separately or whether they merely represented aspects of a single deity, Ra! In the latter respect Thoth was Ra's representative on Earth so to speak, and a mouthpiece for the will of Ra to be communicated to the Egyptian people.

In previous posts I alluded to the posibility that the Egyptian pantheon may have had some basis on reality, and how quick egyptologists were to accept the parts of Egyptian historical records which could be proven while being as quick to refute the parts that might seem mythological, because to suggest that they were open to such concepts would be career suicide.

However, it should be clearly noted that the history of egyptoplogy is littered with theft, fakes, double dealings and worst of all plain lying about Egyptian ancient history. By far the worst culprit must have been Colonel Howard Vyse, who's desperate and expensive search for treasure in the Great Pyramid appeared to come to nought. His final resort was to blast his waty through the relief chambers above the King's chamber. On reaching the final chamber he entered alone at night and on re-appearing the next day, reported that he had made a great discovery.

What had he found? The only written text in the Great Pyramid. Apparently some workman had had the foresight to write the cartouches of Khufu (Cheops) and his co-regent and brother Khafra on a ceiling block. This was fortunate proof that the pharaoh Khufu thought to have been behind the building of the Great pyramid, was indeed responsible and this has been accepted as truth ever since. One problem! The hieroglyphics in the cartouche would have disgraced a child and were clearly faked by Vyse during his night-time vigil in the chamber. The hieroglyphics were often inverted and since the knowledge of hieroglyphics was still relatively infant at that time, it was later seen that those used came from several different dynastic periods. The books on hieroglyphics available in Vyse's time however didn't demonstrate this as it was only to be discovered later.

A stelae discovered between the paws of the Sphinx has been used as evidence that Khafre built the Sphinx, when it indicates nothing of the sort. It merely commemorates his tidying it up, probably clearing away of sand and some minor repair work. However the entire dating of the Giza plateau and all of it's ancient wonders is based on these two written discoveries. Neither of which is actually relevant. Clearly the people who created the Sphinx and built the Great pyramid either did not possess the skill of writing or were not permitted to employ it there. This would indicate to me, and to other very notable people, that the constructions there are much older than what we've been told they are. One day the truth will out!

She Talks To Dead People!

I never thought I'd be saying this, but believe it or not, I'm pondering going to see a woman who claims to be able to communicate with the dead. Not because I particualrly want to receive messages from the other side, but mainly out of curiosity. I've been hearing a great deal about this woman and how accurate she is, so I'd like to go and see her, so I can judge for myself!

Many of my wife's relatives, friends and associates have already been to see her and have been quite amazed by what she has told them, but I've been sceptical about it so far. I know that these people have ways of persuading you that they're the real McCoy, so I reckon I'll be able to tell for myself whether she's a charlatan, because I suspect that women in particular are susceptible to this sort of thing and I won't be giving anything away about myself if I go and visit her.

One of the wife's friends is due to report back to us shortly on her visit to the woman who talks to dead people, and based on the relative success of that visit, I will decide whether I should go myself. I beleieve though that women in particular (again) probably tend only to remember the hits and forget all about any bogus information that was given, although a professional faker could quite easily achieve multiple hist through pure luck and deduction. Such as, for instance, if the woman in attendance is not young then the older they are the increased likelihood that they know someone who died recently. The name John could be mentioned, everyone knows a John, or some other common name. That is why it is as important to consider the incorrect info given. Maybe I could covertly record it, now that's an idea!

Bourne Again At the Barbecue!

I was so pleased a few days back when I unexpectedly caught a trailer for "The Bourne Ultimatum". The first two films in the trilogy, "The Bourne Identity" and "The Bourne Supremacy" were masterpieces. No special effects and the car chases were amazing. I don't know why Matt Damon gets such a hard time, his portrayal in Team America was the only unamusing part of the film for me. Also, in "The Talented Mr. Ripley" he gave an outstanding performance. I think it's out here on August 16th, I really must go and see it!

On a different front, I attended a family barbecue yesterday, had quite a bit to drink and wasn't even slightly ill. I was also forced on to a bouncy castle, despite determined resistance. I then proceeeded to take an elbow sharply in the eye, which was followed by the realisation that I was alone on the bouncy castle, being filmed and watched by all, seemingly expecting me to put on some sort of performance! Fortunately for me, the kids bailed me out by knocking me over and leaping on me like Cato in the Pink Panther.

The barbecue went a bit downhill though after some people rushed off to watch "Baby Ballroom" and "Dance X" or something! I was quite incredulous to be honest. Apparently it's brilliant though, kids dancing and stuff, but wait, I hate f*****g dancing and if I wanted to watch dancing on a Saturday night I'd go to a club. The last place you want to see it is in your own bloody house. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "It's just not like the old days is it?"

The Games Industry Is Riven!

I was considering digging out Riven this morning, to play it again after a considerable period since I first played it. If you haven't any idea what Riven is, then I shall tell you. It was the sequel to the highly successful Myst game. The game was a sort of point-and-click RPG adventure, but that description doesn't do it justice at all. They eventually made 5 games, all of which loosely followed on from the previous, however for me, Riven was the best. It just looked so damn good.

I've been having some gaming nostalgia this week. My son acquired Final Fantasy XII for his birthday last week and it's reminded me of just how good Final Fantasy VII was. That period (around 1997) must surely have been the pinaccle of games production, because all my favourites came out around then, not forgetting Tomb Raider II especially, with it's fantastic Venice levels. The best levels Lara ever traversed.

What's happened to games since then? I think it's the Internet that's to blame. The gaming industry have been pushing online gaming to the detriment of the games themselves. The three games I've mentioned above gave tremendous value for money. The gameplay lasted literally months (certainly if you had other stuff like work to fit in also). My son has finished many newer games in 2 or 3 hours and because he isn't going to be playing them online, it strikes me that he's being cheated out of valuable gametime, since so much of the disc is now devoted to that end.

Perhaps the new HD-DVD and Blu-ray discs will allow game creators to fully develop both elements, solo gameplay and online play without sacrificing either, although I just can't see it myself. I think the day of the massively long-lasting game is well and truly over. They will have gotten lazy now. Games used to take years in the making, but now they want quick releases with the result that the games need to be kept short and more emphasis placed on graphics and controls. It's npt too late though, let the thinking man back in so we can enjoy the beautiful looking, long lasting, intelligently created game, once again.

Dirty, Dirty, Dirty!

Well I gave the Russians a hard time the other day, was I wrong? They're now trying to claim most of Antartica in their continued drive to control swathes of the World's natural resouces, just like I said! But I don't want to seem as though I'm dealing in favouritism, so today I'll have a poke at the US. An article I read on an interview with Naom Chomsky yesterday, raised some specific questions in my mind, to which I doubt the answers will not become known before something terrible happens.

A particular section dealt with the reasons for going to War in Iraq. The reasons now are quite different, Al Quaeda are there now, although they weren't there before (Saddam was extremely paranoid and wouldn't tolerate any extremists) and it's dubious whether Al Quaeda really exist, given that the name translated from Arabic means "foreign toilet". Yeah, that's because they're so tough! Apparently some dodgy double agent, that even the Israelis wouldn't talk to, coined the name Al Quaeda, and the US greeted him with open arms, given what they knew was about to happen!

Anyhow, WMD's (Weapons of Mass Destruction) were the priority reason for attacking Iraq. Biological, Chemical or Nuclear weapons. But we all know that they never found any! Why was that? Well it was kind of embarassing at the time, but perhaps it was all part of the plan as Chomsky seemes to suggest. The only WMD's found in Iraq were in the hands of the UN Weapons Inspectors, being dismantled. These WMD's had been supplied to Saddam by the US , UK, France etc. However, on the eve of attack, all inspectors were ordered out by the US and the sites were abandoned!

Chomsky indicates that the sites were then systematically looted, primarily for nuclear material. Looted isn't really the word, as the process was ordered and methodical. The material is now in the hands of God knows who, but presumably dangerous people.

Given all the talk on Dirty Bombs, it would seem beyond foolish to allow easy access to the materials required, unless of course, the encouragement of International Terrorism was beneficial to you. The terror threat is on everyone's mind, but is there really a threat from terror, or is the real threat from those who fail to protect us from the threat of terror? Indeed, it seems that our governments are actively creating the atmosphere of terror. It seems plain that virtually every terrorist attack involves secret services at some point. They always say that the terrorists were under surveillance, but why should we believe that? Perhaps the secret services are providing assistance, to make sure attacks go ahead! Take a look again at the US. As some sensible person indicated, do Bush and Cheney look like they're bothered about being the most unpopular US leaders ever? No, they know that one single terrible terrorist attack could keep them in power forever. Elections cancelled and martial law in place! Would a dirty bomb do the trick? After all, they let "the terrorists" have just what they need to make one!

Golf Smorgasborg Of Ragnarok!

The beautiful vista you see before you is Cullen Golf Course, with its wonderful beach to the left, which has attracted so many visitors over the years. Probably the most memorable visitors to Cullen beach were the Vikings who landed there in 961 with a massive invasion force led by Eric of the Bloody Axe, with perhaps another Scandinavian King, Haakon! The Scots army must have been expecting them, but literally bumped into them (allegedly near Woodend Farm, now demolished). Anyway, the Vikings were firmly routed by the Scots, who drove them back to the cliffs (off to the left of this photo) as they tried in vain to reach the beach and their boats. Very few escaped. The victory however was soured, as the Scots King, Indulph, was mortally wounded and died shortly afterwards. The entire area for a few miles West of Cullen is dotted with Cairns. No doubt memorials to fallen Scots warriors. It is doubtful that the fallen Vikings received such venerable treatment.

On this day however, another battle was fought out near Cullen beach, as my son and I went head-to-head on the Golf Course there. I haven't played since before he was born (1994) and he has been playing steady this past year. So, it would be determined erm... if I could avoid being taught a humbling lesson, really!

The course turned out to be a little more demanding than it looked and I took a while to start finding my rythmn. Pleased to say I managed a par on one hole, but unfortunately for me the lack of practice took its toll... and I went down by 4 strokes!

Russian Bear Resurgent!

Saw quite a disturbing article this morning on the state of affairs in modern Russia. Apparently, Putin is engaging in numerous activities that suggest a general movement towards creating a fascist dictatorship, and that Democracy is being denounced while the Communist era is held up as time of great patriotism. Here are some of the most disturbing devlopments:

• The formation of ultra-patriotic youth movements who can be rallied quickly to demonstrate against political opposition.

• The encouragement of racial hatred, anti-semitism and a drive for a Russia for Russians. The large number of immigrants working in Russia are increasingly despised.

• Breeding programmes to increase the pure Russian population and help preserve the purity of the Russian race.

• Rampant homophobia including increasingly violent attacks on homosexuals.

• Organised book burning of works of "unpatriotic" fiction.

• The promotion of the belief that all political opposition is dangerous and anti-patriotic, indeed opposition members are branded traitors and Western symapthisers.

• Incentives for those willing to participate in the promotion of Nationalistic ideas, such as free University places for youth leaders.

• Heralding Stalin as a true patriot and hero of the Russian people while villifying Yeltsin (who brought Democracy to Russia) as a Western puppet and traitor to the Russian people.

Putin, when questioned about his policies, throws them back, by comparing them to the actions of the United States or Britain. He compared Stalin's Great Terror of 1937 (700,000 Russians murdered) to Hiroshima, and accuses Britain of having a "Colonial Mentality" for trying to gain the extradition of the man accused of murdering Alexander Litvinenko.

Of course, as you would expect, former Soviet occupied countries in Eastern Europe are becoming increasingly concerned by Putin's actions and words. He has already demonstrated his ability to make life difficult for some, by stopping the supply of Gas to certain countries and Russia is grabbing even greater natural resources, such as when they took control of gas fields near Sakhalin Island very recently. Just when people thought the Cold War was truly over, it looks like there could be a new, even more dangerous monster (bear) in the closet!