Punch Versus Staple?

The great battle has been fought and the hour of victory is at hand! The staple or the punch, which one would come out on top? Having finished my University assignment and stacked up the supporting documentation, it came out at 72 pages all told. University guidelines stipulate, "No ring-binders or polly-pockets, assignment must be stapled at top left-hand corner only!" The people who dream up this crap are living in dreamland!

So, I was at least going to give it a try, but I realised that my little hand-held stapler would never be up to the task, so I borrowed a shot of my father's staple-gun. It was a long-shot, and I wasn't convinced that the staple would penetrate that thickness of paper. I was right, it made it about halfway through. So, in the face of receiving a sharp rebuke of some sort from some unknown grey-suited boring old fart, I've punched the document and tied the holes with whatchamicallums (tier things).

So the victor is the punch, because it lets you handle bunches of paper at a time, it has a coinscience which the stapler is sadly lacking. I think staples should only be applied to documents of 10 pages or less, but that's only my "professional" opinion. Someone really should come up with an alternative solution, there's money to be made here, I'm telling you!

Escape To Victory!

Well, my daughter's only 10, but yesterday she was raising a few issues with me over the crucifixion. Like, if Mary was a virgin, how could Jesus have older brothers and sisters? Hmm, good question! So, I explained to her how the whole crucifixion was a sham, how they would usually smash the victims kneecaps after a while, and they'd leave them up there for a long time, because it could take days to die.

So then she asks why they took him down from the cross after 2 hours, and I told her how the sponge must have had some seriously strong sedative in it, because Jesus was clearly alive when they took him down. They wouldn't have realised at the time, but when Longinus speared him in the side, it bled. That wouldn't have happened if he was dead already! But of course Longinus was only looking for a purely physical reaction which wasn't forthcoming. Yes, it was all very elaborate, but the Bible has been so heavily edited and censored that it's diffciult to get anywhere near the truth.

Clearly Jesus and his followers wanted to lead a revolt against the Roman, because that was what the Messiah was meant to do, and Jesus had been doing everything he could to fulfill the prophecies (which he was well aware of). So things went badly and he had to fake his own death and leave in a hurry. He left the revolt to his brother James the Just who was murdered by Paul, the man who started modern Christianity and totally twisted the events to suit a Roman agenda. My daughter totally understood all of that though, which is scary, probably because I explained it a bit better to her than I have here! She's a very bright cookie though!

Over Both the Rainbows!

It's true I have no patience, and not only did I have to wait about a month for my Radiohead - In Rainbows boxset to come, but I received an E-Mail last Friday saying it had been dispatched, and it wasn't until 2:30pm today that I finally recieved it. But yes, it smells lovely, and I've finally had the chance to listen to CD 2. Some surprises on there, most of the songs they've played live already, but they're completely changed for this CD. Bangers N' Mash in particular has been turned into a dirty sonic orgy. Yes, I said orgy, there's all sorts going on in this track!

I'm glad to say that it arrived in pristeen condition, unlike some stories I've heard where people returned from work to find a sodden lump of cardboard on their doorstep, containing something vaguely Radiohead-ish. It's incidents like that which haunt college campuses across America.

You'll be glad to know that my Uni assignment is coming along nicely, I haven't been sitting listening to music all day you know! I just have to put my Bibliography together and then find some way of losing 500 words. The're very prissy about word count, I don't know why, but go over 10% and marks start falling off. 50% over and it's a fail. Exactly... what's that all about? It's a bit of a hit or a miss really, you know how it is? When you get to this level, they think that you should be able to decipher the coded questions before you should be permitted to take part in any form of answering them. Words like vague and ambiguous, are synonymous with assessment writing in my experience!

I Need A Rest Or A Drink!

I've been very tired lately. I told you on Tuesday of my zombie-like state on Monday morning, walking past 3 buses into the train station, buying my tickets, then being surprised when directed to board a waiting bus. I'm not sure why my brain never made the connection, there are never normally buses outside the train station. Anyhow, I'm coming home on the train tonight, and it was real busy, lots of people standing. After a while I saw a mate waving at me from down the carriage. Ten minutes later he got a seat beside me, after loads of people had disembarked at a station. He said I'd looked at him loads of times and he'd been waving, but to no avail. Apparently my eyes were rolling and stuff.

So, I not only feel tired, but I clearly look tired as well. That's reassuring. Not only have I been yawning all day long, but my eyes are rolling around too... great! It's these 6am starts. I just can't get used to them again after 4 weeks getting up at 7:30am. I like my regular sleep patterns. I figure I need 8 hours in bed or I'm useless. That's a lot. Apparently Margaret Thatcher could make do with 3 or 4, but then she had Arthur Scargill to deal with.

What I really want to do is get drunk. It's clearly needed, I haven't had a proper drink since September I would say. Just a few nice drinks in pleasant company, having a laugh. All work and no play makes "Me" a dull boy! Just another week to go though and then I'll be on hiatus till January... yay! If only I had some money?

Breaking the Ice!

So I was watching "Earth: The Power Of the Planet" with Iain Stewart last night. Excellent show, he's very passionate about his work, particularly when dealing with volcanoes. This episode however was about ice. He was looking at glaciers in Greenland, all of which are retreating rapidly, because it would seem, meltwater is pouring into holes in the glacier, and lubricating the buffer area betwen the rock bottom and the glacier. This propels the glacier along much more rapidly, and of course where it reaches the sea, icebergs are calving off more frequently, thus causing the glacial retreat.

Anyway, enough pseudo-science, on reflection today, it got me thinking about 2 great books I've read, whcih simply must be made into blockbuster movies. I'm talking of course about "Ice Station" by Matthew Reilly and "Deception Point" by Dan Brown. Both have very similar plots really, but while Deception Point is more a conspiracy tale, Ice Station is all action. Not to be confused with the book and film "Ice Station Zebra" by Alistair MacLean!

If you haven't read either of these books, or at least one of them, then, you either; can't read, don't read at all, or can't afford books. The first and third are vaid excuses I suppose, but I've made my position clear regarding people who don't read in a previous post. If you fall into this category, then don't worry, Big Brother will be back on TV soon enough, and since you're reading this, you must be a liar anyway!

The Shape Of Things To Come!

Yes, this post has been delayed, just like I was heavily delayed yesterday. It was my first day back at Uni, and unbeknowest to me, there were engineering works going on somewhere along the railway line between Keith and Inverurie. Only after I had purchased my ticket did I realise what the buses were waiting outside for. Damn it, I hate buses even more than the train! Anyway, the upshot was; the bus took us to Inverurie, then we got on the train there and arrived at Aberdeen a good 45 minutes late. Coming back at night was no better The train left half-an-hour earlier than usual, but the bus journey was just throughly unpleasant. I had a migraine when I got home, so I didn't feel like posting at that time.

Today, I'm up to my neck in learning theory; Piaget, Bruner, Vygotsky, Skinner, Gardner, Golemore and Maslow. Who are they you ask? Those my fine fellow, are the gentlemen who have shaped modern education. Their influence is far reaching. Most of them are however dead!

I would like to spare you more time, but I really must get back to it. This assignment has to be turned in on Monday. After that Perhaps I will have more time on my hands to produce some quality posts for your perusal. I really hope so, I like to write the thought provoking stuff, but it does require thinking time, and that's in scarce supply right now!

Leave A Light On!

I'm sorry, but I don't have much time for you right now? I hope you don't mind! It wasn't anything you said or did, it's just that I'm under a little pressure to get this ginormous assessment finished for about a week's time. It will be rather torturous and I can't really predict what the outcome might be as of yet. Let's just say I'm putting great reliance on my literary skills to get me through it. So far, they've never let me down, but this assignment is a little different in that it has to be backed up by hard eveidence. Do I have that evidence? Probably!

So, the Christmas tree has gone up today, only it has no lights or decorations yet, because after a great deal of self-mind probing, I realised that last year's lights gave up the ghost just before I took them down. Realising this saved me form potential hours searching the attic for the box which might have contained said lights. Unless of course, I'm imagining that the lights were thrown out, and that they are indeed in a box in the attic somewhere.

I also had to go and get some groceries in yesterday, and was keenly aware of a surplus of shoppers. The town centre was way too busy for my liking. How can anyone enjoy Christmas shopping? We just do it for the sake of it? My relatives don't really care for me, and I therefore reciprocate their non-caring attitude, and yet, we still buy presents for each other, which nobody will like or want. What's the point of it? I've even had relatives give me their present back, saying they don't like it, want it, or have one already. Honestly, the audacity! Are they really that ignorant? ... well, YES!

Bon Voyage Morons!

First off, my apologies for not posting yesterday, I was in bed before I even realised that I hadn't done so. Yesterday marked the end of my fourth week of teaching experience, and the end of the first block teaching, as I must now return to Uni to imbibe some more theory, and I have a written assignment to complete as well. Anyhow, in the evening my Auntie from afar paid a visit, so that was the main reason for no post.

So, I read in the newspaper this morning that passengers on a cruise ship sailing from Bangkok to Beijing, are threatening a mutiny if they don't receive a full refund for the cruise. Seemingly there was a typhoon, and they all got sea-sick and were being thrown out of their bunks (not beds at sea). The passengers claimed that the ship should never have set sail, because the Captain knew there would be bad weather.

I have no sympathy for them. What kind of fool pays way over the odds to live in a confined space with thousands of people, trapped in a floating 24hr cabaret? With the downside being that if things go wrong, you will either wind up swimming in puke, or almost as bad; drown, get eaten by sharks or spend 2 weeks in a life-raft with rejects from Butlins who will drink all the water to protect their vocal chords. No thanks, you can keep that lot, I'd rather holiday in Shetland!

The Deadly Eyes Of the Cat!

Stalingrad, the Winter of 1942-43, and the conflict had taken on a deadly new form. Small feline creatures had been trained to form part of an elite sniper unit, which had German infantry pinned down in several key parts of the city. With supplies running low, and the cold biting with savage intensity, things looked bleak for the Germans, but wait, the cats had forgotten their Winter weather clothing, they were uncamouflaged. Black cats on white snow, soon to be black cats on red snow.

Yes, I might seem mad, but then I have been teaching for 4 weeks, so what else would you expect. Tomorrow is my last day, until the New Year. Now I simply have to produce a detailed 5000 word assignment covering every possible aspect of education imaginable, to be submitted in 10 days time. When will it ever end, that's almosty 4 years of essays, assignments, assessments, projects and exams I've had to endure to get to this point. I just want to earn some money now!!!

Coincidentally, I might have said this before, but these last 4 weeks I've been so busy, and yet in a bizarre twist, I've had huge success with my family tree for the first time in ages. I guess these things just happen and it's other people who have the time on their hands, not me. Still, perhaps I am too obliging with my precious time!

The Indoor War Association!

Every boy and man seems to have some unhealthy obsession with warfare, whether it's wanting to join the forces, or playing video games. Myself, I have no interest in warfare as such, in fact I think it's pointless and brutal. But that's not to say that there wasn't a time when war was actually necessary and the strategy of war was an art form. Of course, modern warfare is fought against invisible enemies, with no clearly defined outcome or objectives, fought in lands far removed from our own. It used to be the case, that you would go and fight becasue the enemy was at the gates, it was clear cut.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a fan of "Medal Of Honour" and "Call Of Duty" and the "Total War" series. It's easy to villify the Germans in video games, because they were clearly the bad guys, same with Napoleon and his armies. All the great generals are remembered because of their famous victories, and yet they all died rather ignominiously; Hitler, Napoleon, Alexander, Genghis Khan. Apart from Genghis, they weren't very good breeders either, now I come to think of it.

Anyhow, to the point. As, I'm shortly due to become wireless and will effectively have a LAN in the household for the first time, I'm going to have a great time playing all of the aforementioned games against my son. He's way too good for most games as it is, so it will be a pleasure indeed for me to play Wellington to his Napoleon, Monty to his Rommel etc. So tell me again, how do you set up a wireless network?