Top Gear Rules the Waves!

If you are a resident of the UK then you will be familiar with "Top Gear"! If you're not then it's a bloody shame, because Top Gear is absolutely immense. It is a motor show, but, anyone will tell you that I have no interest in cars whatsoever. And yet, my kids and I (and I suspect the wife even) enjoy Top Gear no end, because it's so funny. They're prepared to be outrageous, they take enormous risks and clearly enjoy driving and cars in general, particularly fast ones.

On Top Gear last night, the team: Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, each built an amphibious vehicle (part car, part boat), which they then had to drive from London to Dover. Once at Dover, they recieved the next part of their challenge, to sail their ridiculous amphibious vehicles 28 miles across the English Channel to Calais. The idea was just plain stupid. There was no way any of their vehicles could possibly make it. At least that's what we thought.

Thei first attempt was a trial run within the harbour, which went quite well, but the second attempt was fairly disastrous. As they left the calmer waters of the harbour, James May's boat sank, Richard Hammond's rudder jammed and he started going around in circles in the harbour entrance as the gigantic Sea-cat came steaming towards him. The timely intervention of the coastguard saved the day. Attempt 3 saw James May join Richard Hammond as cabin-boy. This time the sea was much calmer, so they made a good start. Several miles out to sea however, Hammond's boat began taking on water and then capsized. The three hosts then all ended up together on Jeremy Clarkson's boat, which was a converted pickup truck.

They were going great, but then came the shipping lanes. The English Channel is quite probably the busiest shipping lane in the World, and these nutcases were weaving in and out between tankers, ferries and cargo ships in a floating pick-up truck with an outboard. It was completely insane. They are crazy. Then they started to take on water, but as they drew closer to France the water calmed and unbelievably they made it. They landed somewhere near Sangatte, off target, but considering they had no maps or guidance systems of any sort, pretty good I would say. Rivetting viewing that's for sure. Here's a preview to give you some idea if you missed it or couldn't watch it. Check out some of the videos on the Top Gear website though, and you'll see what I mean!

Sovereignty Surrender Imminent!

Don't say I didn't warn you! Many moons ago, in this very blog, I highlighted the inherent dangers of the revived EU Constitution, in the form of the new EU Treaty, due to be signed this week. At that time Tony Blair was still Prime Minister and refused to give the public a referendum, despite being elected on the back of just such a promise. Now, we have Gordon Brown, similarly refusing a referendum, claiming that the treaty is hugely different to the old constitution and that he has opt-outs on key areas anyway. Well, only this week a team of Labour MP's, returned the verdict of their investigation into the treaty documentation. Result, "Dear Gordon, this document is exactly the same as the old treaty!"

Well, of course, Gordon knew that anyhow. He was only stalling for time, and now it's too late. Only last week I read that Brown had only 10 days left in which he could allow a referendum, which is obviously too short a time anyway. As for Gordon's opt-outs, this morning I read that a German Eurocrat warns Brown that he has 5 days to surrender those opt-outs and sign the treaty. Oh dear, Gordon what have you done! Apparently (in a thinly veiled threat) he also said that other EU countries (principally Germany and France here I suspect) copuld not allow one country to destroy the hard work that had gone into this treaty when 25 other countries were in agreement.

Makes you wonder who won the war doesn't it? "What war?", you might ask if you're a German Euro-MP, because yes, they want to forget all about that don't they? They want school textbooks to totally play down the Second World War, portraying it as a European Civil War, as though we were a united Europe before that. Basically they want to brainwash kids into a sense of European as opposed to national identity. Why don't they just burn the old history books in the street like they did the last time? You may think I'm Euro-sceptic, not so, I like parts of Europe, other parts I have no desire to ever visit. My main beef is centralisation. It's going to benefit certain countries more than others and inevitably the result will be a desire for de-centralisation and consequently another European Civil War.

Templar Trial Minutes Published!

Big news today for anyone holding an interest in the history of the Knights Templar. It seems that trial documents pertaining to the trials of the Knights Templar are to be published by the Vatican Secret Archives, having been allegedly discovered in 2001. Discovered, as it is purported that the documents had been misplaced somewhere among the vast archives of potentially explosive documents that the Vatican would rather were not made available for public consumption.

Quite why they've made this material available is a bit of a mystery, although apparently, it in some respects exhonerates the then Pope Clement V of his part in the sordid affair, demonstrating his opposition to King Phillip the Fair of France. King Phillip is largely regarded as the main instigator of the dissolution and elimination of the order. He owed them vast sums and was intensely jealous of their power and influence. What the documents probably won't address, and what will likely never be known, is what hold Phillip had over Pope Clement that enabled him to pressurise the Vatican into doing his bidding.

Don't think however, that you'll get your hands on a copy of these documents anytime soon. With a price tag of 5,900 Euros and as part of a limited edition set of 599 copies, the chances are that the lay historian (ie. the guys who get real results) will never get a hold of it. Anyway, the Vatican does as it pleases, so who's to know if this is all they have, partial, or far from complete. Working to their own agenda, odds are that they only released those documents which they see as being in some way likely to cast the Catholic faith in a good light. But we all know what atrocities they have committed or permitted to be committed in their name, in the distant and not so distant past. Their are some stains which will never wash away no matter how much time passes!

Dustin Hoffman Impersonator!

I am a graduate! I have graduated! It's over, or is it? I was asked only yesterday if I would graduate again this year from the PGDE, and I said no quite firmly, but even before today's ceremony, I had started to wonder if I was committed to that decision. Only time will tell. I'm afraid to say that I was shamefully present at several photo opportunities and that consequently there may well be several pictures of me in the Northern Scot next week, which is not necessarily a good thing, as I caught a glimpse of one photo and it was fairly horrendous I must admit.

I should also mention that the inventors of the kilt clearly never took driving into consideration. Obviously there weren't any cars around then (whenever then was?), but not only does half the kilt remain outside the vehicle once you've got in it and closed the door, but the sporran won't go under the steering wheel, and I kept catching my hands on it while cornering. Kilt-makers of the future should consider these factors when devising their futuristic kilts.

The actual graduation ceremony went very smoothly, although it was obviously oinly one in a series, as it would have been impossible to accommodate all graduates in one sitting, especially nowadays when it's permissible to graduate at any level of qualification. Personally, I'd rather not have had to sit and watch people receive an SVQ (Scottish Vocational Qualification) in second-rate cooking skills. Not that any achievement is not worthwhile, but surely they'd have been better organising the graduation ceremony by achievement rather than by subject areas, which is what they did.

On other news, I'm reading in the "Sun" newspaper that the average downloader of Radiohead's new album "In Rainbows" paid £4 for it, and there were over 1 million downloads in the first 24 hours of availability. That didn't even include me, as I had to wait slightly longer (See yesterday's post). If I'm right in thinking here then, they've probably already made more money off this album than they will have from any of their previous label releases, because all profits go directly to the band and the thieving record labels get nothing, yay!

I Still Love Radiohead!

The wait finally ended today, when I received my activation code to download the hotly anticipated new Radiohead album "In Rainbows". I should have had it yesterday, and I can only think that having an IP address from AOL is the reason why I had to wait. I did not enjoy being told by a fellow student with a passing interest in the band that he was listening to it on his Ipod on the way into Uni this morning. I had to leave home early, no time to check my E-mail.

What can I say about this album? From one listen alone so far, I am hugely impressed. Lots of string arrangements going on, courtesy no doubt of Jonny Greenwood's foray into orchestral composition for the BBC over the last couple of years. But, this album goes far beyond strings, it's overflowing with textures and rich layers of musicality, which some reviewers seem to be missing altogether, calling it minimalist. Are they really listening without comparing to Radiohead's previous work? Because while there are nods to songs of old, this is something altogether new. After all, it has been nearly 5 years since Hail to the Thief.

Whether or not this album release revolutionises the music industry, this album should be judged on the music contained therein. I think it's impeccably recorded, produced and sequenced. I much prefer this I think (yes, already) to Hail to the Thief. I think HttT was probably recorded too quickly (the polar opposite to this one, and Kid A and Amnesiac before). As a result, some of the songs on HttT were disappointing compared to the versions which they had played live before recording. I don't think that's the case here, but it should be interesting to see how the enhanced cd which will be released with the boxset, will come out sounding. If it's as good as this first disc, then it'll be a complete success for me!

I Hate Clothes Shopping!

Is that too strong, "I Hate Clothes Shopping!"? Is it hell! I hate it with a vengeance. Look at the clothes rack in the picture. If you're a woman, you'll probably be going "Hmm, look at the lovely colours" etc, but if you're a man of my disposition then you'll surely be thinking, "Look at that tat, looks like a jumble sale!" and feeling slightly queasy!

It's not a new found hatred. It's been around for a long time, but my wife does nothing to combat it, in fact she seems determined to make me suffer, by ensuring that I spend as much time as possible in clothes shops, while I feel my will to live draining away. For instance, today we went to Elgin to collect my son and my own, kilts for the graduation ceremony on Friday. My daughter got a dress last week, but my wife still had "nothing suitable" for the occasion.

So we wnet to Dorothy Perkins, New Look, Internacionale, TK Maxx, Happit, Marks & Spencers and finally Tesco, where she bought an outfit. So she got an outfit, but now I'm dead inside. This outfit will no doubt be worn once and never see the light of day again. You see me now, I only buy clothes on the basis of necessity. If I need an item of clothing or footwear, I will go to a specific shop, locate something passable and purchase it. That is how it's done. How do women shop then? This is how, they imagine an item of clothing in their head, then they drag you around every clothes shop they can find, quite surprised that none of them have the clothes item they require.

As I type this, I'm sitting here waiting for an E-mail confirming my activation code to download the new Radiohead album "In Rainbows", which is to be made available today. I see that they might have just intiated the death of the recording industry. Yesterday they were saying in the news that Trent Reznor has followed suit and parted company with his record label, and today the word is that Oasis and Jamiroquai are mooting similar ideas. As always Radiohead show the path for others to follow!

It Was A Heart Of Glass!

Nothing like a spot of role-playing on a Tuesday afternoon is there? I don't mean Dungeons & Dragons, I was giving my brother a hand putting some glass into an upstairs window, so I donned the role of glazier for a while. My presence was required for 2 o'clock having been assured that all would be ready and I would simply have to help him lift the glass into place and hold it while he got the beading nailed on. Of course, it wasn't ready at all, it quickly became apparent that there was old putty needing chiselled out first, which took a good half hour anyway.

My parents house (where my brother STILL lives) is close to the High Street you see, and so my brother was fitting sound-proof toughend glass into his bedroom windows. Sound-proofed because there are several pubs in the vicinty, and toughened because of the dregs of society which spew out of those pubs at closing time, throwing bottles and cans all over. He's seen and heard it all from his bedroom. People stripping right outside the house, pissing in the middle of the street, guys getting their heads kicked in by gangs, people smashing the windows and trying to kick the front door down. Yes, it's just another friendly North east fishing town.

I was going to mention something good I saw on telly recently, but I can't remember what it was, so perhaps it wasn't so good after all. I guess that's the benchmark for telly goodness, being able to remember what you watched the night before. OK, I've just remembered what it was, so it was quite good, even for Channel 5. It was "Banged Up Abroad". It featured 2 poor English saps who got pushed into being drugs mules. Before they knew it, they were on a flight to Venezuela and spending money that wasn't theirs. Of course it all ended in disaster and they spent 4 years of a 10 year sentence in prison. The prisons in Venezuela are run by the prisoners who have guns, grenades and such like, and people are killed daily. They were allowed out eventually to look for work and promptly fled the country. A harsh lesson though. I'm sure they won't try that again!

I Got A Kick Out Of That!

I was on my way home this evening, when I decided to take a slightly different route to my usual. I thought I'd got through the Trinity Centre and down to the railway station from there, seeing as I had a little time to spare. Well, I'm no sooner in through the doors than I found my way barred by a woman yabbling on about Dead Sea salts and before I knew it my hands were in a silver bowl covered in salt. What was happening? She reeled of a list of virtues possessed by this wonder salt, and how much my wife would appreciate it, wouldn't she? "No!" I replied. It's great for this, great for that, blah blah blah, and something about massaging it on to her feet!

Little did she know that I wasn't listening any more, because the bit about rubbing my wife's feet transported me back to a time when we were just going out. We were sitting watching telly, probably had a few drinks as well I'd imagine, when I took it upon myself to tickle her bare feet. I took hold of her left ankle with one hand and proceeded tickilng her foot with my right hand. That was my first mistake, I'd left one foot free. Second mistake, I wasn't looking at the free foot, my concentration was fixed upon the foot I was tickling. Her right foot proceeded to smack me across the face rather sharply. Apparently she wasn't so keen on the feet tickling, and she didn't hold back in making that clear. No time for words, just action!. I learned my lesson, I've never tried that again since.

Anyhow, I promised to return with the wife next time to see if she'd be interested. Yeah right! No prices were mentioned, but I'd imagine that salt that special comes with a fairly hefty price tag. I don't even put salt on my food to be honest! Anyway, the moral of the story is, "Never take your eye off the free foot, it might kick you in the face!"

James Of the Hill!

I never told you this before, but several years ago, while I was deeply involved in family tree research, I was flicking through some obscure reference book, let's call it "The History of Speyside" for instance, becuase I can't remember the name. The fact was that both myself and my wife had ancestors with the Grant surname, from the Inveravon area of Speyside, practically on the doorstep of Castle Grant. However, like many Scottish clans, their origins probably lay more in Normandy than the Highlands.

Anyway, I happened upon several historical reports from the area covering probably from about 1610 through to 1650, concerning an individual called James Grant of Carron aka "James of the Hill". The hill in question being Ben Rinnes, for James Grant was an outlaw and Ben Rinnes was his home turf. I collected up a few of these stories and decided to find out a bit more about the individual, simply out of curiosity. I was glad I did, because the man's life tells a fantastic tale. It started of with a family feud going back generations between the Grants of Ballindalloch and the Grants of Carron , some sort of dispute over border marches. Both families were minor nobility being off-shoots of the main Grant pedigree and therefore held close ties with the Chief of Clan Grant. (I suspect without checking that the photo above is of their mutual ancestor.)

James Grant subsequently murdered a relative of Ballindalloch, who had allegedly attacked his brother, and he was outlawed thereafter. He took to the hills and fell in with other unsavoury characters, until he had a veritable gang of villains at his disposal. They did whatever it took to survive, robbing, plundering, reiving and providing hired service to anyone who needed a bunch of rogues. James was finally caught by members of Clan Chattan after a hot pursuit in which he received about 15 arrow wounds. He was clearly a sturdy fellow, having already seen off a posse of MacGregor rogues sent by Ballindalloch. The rest of his gang were hung at Edinburgh, but he was imprisoned in the castle as a witness in the case of the murder of a son of The Gordon Earl of Huntly (one of those men to whom Grant had leant his services occasionally). As the trial progressed slowly, somehow Grant had rope smuggled into him in barrels of butter, eventually procuring enough to escape down the wall of the castle and cliff below. A never before or after repeated feat of daring.

He then returned to his home country, renewing his ties with the Gordons and bumping off the odd person who got in his way, before joining the Gordon cause to help defend Aberdeen against Montrose and his covenanting army at the Brig O'Dee. After this service to the crown and becoming a bit of a bounty hunter, he was finally pardoned of all crimes commited by himself, but of his fate there is no record. Presumably he died a peaceful death, which seemed so unlikely for most of his life.

I've only really given you a brief overview of the accounts of James Grant in this post, because I'd have to pull out all of my old notes which I haven't seen for years, in order to recant some more of his derring-do tales. Suffice to say that there's enough to make a book, and I'd like to think that I might be able to so that some day, if there's ever any rest for the wicked!

There Is No Conspiracy!

It has been suggested to me in the past that I'm something of a conspracy theorist, but I've always defended myself by claiming that there's no such thing as a conspiracy! The fact that a goverment, a religion, a business or any assortment of inviduals or agencies, set out with an agenda to deceive or to fool the public at large, is not in question. It happens all the time, and probably has done since time immemorial. Almost certainly Emperors and Pharaohs et al, indulged themeselves in some whole-scale deceit. After all, isn't conspiracy just spin-doctoring cranked up several notches?

The worst of it is, that I have several firm beliefs, based entirely on the volume of data I've viewed supporting those beliefs, that I can't publicly air, certainly not in such an open forum as this. I'm no crack-pot either, I know my stuff. The trouble with the public at large is, that they tend to believe what they're told, because like Jack Nicholson said, "You can't handle the truth!" Never was a truer word said. The really surprising thing I find though, is the willingness of even hugely intelligent people to buy into stories which are frankly laughable. Their outright submission to the word of authority is pathetic really, although perhaps not necessarily surprising given the scale of some deceits. It's unconceivable to many that their own government would subject them to atrocity, but take a look at Zimbabwe or Burma, that's the model for conformity.

I'm not a cynic if that's what you're thinking. Let's just say I'm a good bullshit-ometer. I'm a paradox really, because I also believe in things that others might deem ridiculous, for the same reasons as I don't concur with several widely held opinions. Look at the evidence, weight it up and make a rational decision one way or the other. You can then judge further evidence in light of that conclusion, readjusting your thinking if necessary. That's what rationalisation is about, and I'm a very rational person. Based on that rationality, I can hereby inform you that the World is going to hell in a handcart!