Dustin Hoffman Impersonator!

I am a graduate! I have graduated! It's over, or is it? I was asked only yesterday if I would graduate again this year from the PGDE, and I said no quite firmly, but even before today's ceremony, I had started to wonder if I was committed to that decision. Only time will tell. I'm afraid to say that I was shamefully present at several photo opportunities and that consequently there may well be several pictures of me in the Northern Scot next week, which is not necessarily a good thing, as I caught a glimpse of one photo and it was fairly horrendous I must admit.

I should also mention that the inventors of the kilt clearly never took driving into consideration. Obviously there weren't any cars around then (whenever then was?), but not only does half the kilt remain outside the vehicle once you've got in it and closed the door, but the sporran won't go under the steering wheel, and I kept catching my hands on it while cornering. Kilt-makers of the future should consider these factors when devising their futuristic kilts.

The actual graduation ceremony went very smoothly, although it was obviously oinly one in a series, as it would have been impossible to accommodate all graduates in one sitting, especially nowadays when it's permissible to graduate at any level of qualification. Personally, I'd rather not have had to sit and watch people receive an SVQ (Scottish Vocational Qualification) in second-rate cooking skills. Not that any achievement is not worthwhile, but surely they'd have been better organising the graduation ceremony by achievement rather than by subject areas, which is what they did.

On other news, I'm reading in the "Sun" newspaper that the average downloader of Radiohead's new album "In Rainbows" paid £4 for it, and there were over 1 million downloads in the first 24 hours of availability. That didn't even include me, as I had to wait slightly longer (See yesterday's post). If I'm right in thinking here then, they've probably already made more money off this album than they will have from any of their previous label releases, because all profits go directly to the band and the thieving record labels get nothing, yay!

I Still Love Radiohead!

The wait finally ended today, when I received my activation code to download the hotly anticipated new Radiohead album "In Rainbows". I should have had it yesterday, and I can only think that having an IP address from AOL is the reason why I had to wait. I did not enjoy being told by a fellow student with a passing interest in the band that he was listening to it on his Ipod on the way into Uni this morning. I had to leave home early, no time to check my E-mail.

What can I say about this album? From one listen alone so far, I am hugely impressed. Lots of string arrangements going on, courtesy no doubt of Jonny Greenwood's foray into orchestral composition for the BBC over the last couple of years. But, this album goes far beyond strings, it's overflowing with textures and rich layers of musicality, which some reviewers seem to be missing altogether, calling it minimalist. Are they really listening without comparing to Radiohead's previous work? Because while there are nods to songs of old, this is something altogether new. After all, it has been nearly 5 years since Hail to the Thief.

Whether or not this album release revolutionises the music industry, this album should be judged on the music contained therein. I think it's impeccably recorded, produced and sequenced. I much prefer this I think (yes, already) to Hail to the Thief. I think HttT was probably recorded too quickly (the polar opposite to this one, and Kid A and Amnesiac before). As a result, some of the songs on HttT were disappointing compared to the versions which they had played live before recording. I don't think that's the case here, but it should be interesting to see how the enhanced cd which will be released with the boxset, will come out sounding. If it's as good as this first disc, then it'll be a complete success for me!

I Hate Clothes Shopping!

Is that too strong, "I Hate Clothes Shopping!"? Is it hell! I hate it with a vengeance. Look at the clothes rack in the picture. If you're a woman, you'll probably be going "Hmm, look at the lovely colours" etc, but if you're a man of my disposition then you'll surely be thinking, "Look at that tat, looks like a jumble sale!" and feeling slightly queasy!

It's not a new found hatred. It's been around for a long time, but my wife does nothing to combat it, in fact she seems determined to make me suffer, by ensuring that I spend as much time as possible in clothes shops, while I feel my will to live draining away. For instance, today we went to Elgin to collect my son and my own, kilts for the graduation ceremony on Friday. My daughter got a dress last week, but my wife still had "nothing suitable" for the occasion.

So we wnet to Dorothy Perkins, New Look, Internacionale, TK Maxx, Happit, Marks & Spencers and finally Tesco, where she bought an outfit. So she got an outfit, but now I'm dead inside. This outfit will no doubt be worn once and never see the light of day again. You see me now, I only buy clothes on the basis of necessity. If I need an item of clothing or footwear, I will go to a specific shop, locate something passable and purchase it. That is how it's done. How do women shop then? This is how, they imagine an item of clothing in their head, then they drag you around every clothes shop they can find, quite surprised that none of them have the clothes item they require.

As I type this, I'm sitting here waiting for an E-mail confirming my activation code to download the new Radiohead album "In Rainbows", which is to be made available today. I see that they might have just intiated the death of the recording industry. Yesterday they were saying in the news that Trent Reznor has followed suit and parted company with his record label, and today the word is that Oasis and Jamiroquai are mooting similar ideas. As always Radiohead show the path for others to follow!

It Was A Heart Of Glass!

Nothing like a spot of role-playing on a Tuesday afternoon is there? I don't mean Dungeons & Dragons, I was giving my brother a hand putting some glass into an upstairs window, so I donned the role of glazier for a while. My presence was required for 2 o'clock having been assured that all would be ready and I would simply have to help him lift the glass into place and hold it while he got the beading nailed on. Of course, it wasn't ready at all, it quickly became apparent that there was old putty needing chiselled out first, which took a good half hour anyway.

My parents house (where my brother STILL lives) is close to the High Street you see, and so my brother was fitting sound-proof toughend glass into his bedroom windows. Sound-proofed because there are several pubs in the vicinty, and toughened because of the dregs of society which spew out of those pubs at closing time, throwing bottles and cans all over. He's seen and heard it all from his bedroom. People stripping right outside the house, pissing in the middle of the street, guys getting their heads kicked in by gangs, people smashing the windows and trying to kick the front door down. Yes, it's just another friendly North east fishing town.

I was going to mention something good I saw on telly recently, but I can't remember what it was, so perhaps it wasn't so good after all. I guess that's the benchmark for telly goodness, being able to remember what you watched the night before. OK, I've just remembered what it was, so it was quite good, even for Channel 5. It was "Banged Up Abroad". It featured 2 poor English saps who got pushed into being drugs mules. Before they knew it, they were on a flight to Venezuela and spending money that wasn't theirs. Of course it all ended in disaster and they spent 4 years of a 10 year sentence in prison. The prisons in Venezuela are run by the prisoners who have guns, grenades and such like, and people are killed daily. They were allowed out eventually to look for work and promptly fled the country. A harsh lesson though. I'm sure they won't try that again!

I Got A Kick Out Of That!

I was on my way home this evening, when I decided to take a slightly different route to my usual. I thought I'd got through the Trinity Centre and down to the railway station from there, seeing as I had a little time to spare. Well, I'm no sooner in through the doors than I found my way barred by a woman yabbling on about Dead Sea salts and before I knew it my hands were in a silver bowl covered in salt. What was happening? She reeled of a list of virtues possessed by this wonder salt, and how much my wife would appreciate it, wouldn't she? "No!" I replied. It's great for this, great for that, blah blah blah, and something about massaging it on to her feet!

Little did she know that I wasn't listening any more, because the bit about rubbing my wife's feet transported me back to a time when we were just going out. We were sitting watching telly, probably had a few drinks as well I'd imagine, when I took it upon myself to tickle her bare feet. I took hold of her left ankle with one hand and proceeded tickilng her foot with my right hand. That was my first mistake, I'd left one foot free. Second mistake, I wasn't looking at the free foot, my concentration was fixed upon the foot I was tickling. Her right foot proceeded to smack me across the face rather sharply. Apparently she wasn't so keen on the feet tickling, and she didn't hold back in making that clear. No time for words, just action!. I learned my lesson, I've never tried that again since.

Anyhow, I promised to return with the wife next time to see if she'd be interested. Yeah right! No prices were mentioned, but I'd imagine that salt that special comes with a fairly hefty price tag. I don't even put salt on my food to be honest! Anyway, the moral of the story is, "Never take your eye off the free foot, it might kick you in the face!"

James Of the Hill!

I never told you this before, but several years ago, while I was deeply involved in family tree research, I was flicking through some obscure reference book, let's call it "The History of Speyside" for instance, becuase I can't remember the name. The fact was that both myself and my wife had ancestors with the Grant surname, from the Inveravon area of Speyside, practically on the doorstep of Castle Grant. However, like many Scottish clans, their origins probably lay more in Normandy than the Highlands.

Anyway, I happened upon several historical reports from the area covering probably from about 1610 through to 1650, concerning an individual called James Grant of Carron aka "James of the Hill". The hill in question being Ben Rinnes, for James Grant was an outlaw and Ben Rinnes was his home turf. I collected up a few of these stories and decided to find out a bit more about the individual, simply out of curiosity. I was glad I did, because the man's life tells a fantastic tale. It started of with a family feud going back generations between the Grants of Ballindalloch and the Grants of Carron , some sort of dispute over border marches. Both families were minor nobility being off-shoots of the main Grant pedigree and therefore held close ties with the Chief of Clan Grant. (I suspect without checking that the photo above is of their mutual ancestor.)

James Grant subsequently murdered a relative of Ballindalloch, who had allegedly attacked his brother, and he was outlawed thereafter. He took to the hills and fell in with other unsavoury characters, until he had a veritable gang of villains at his disposal. They did whatever it took to survive, robbing, plundering, reiving and providing hired service to anyone who needed a bunch of rogues. James was finally caught by members of Clan Chattan after a hot pursuit in which he received about 15 arrow wounds. He was clearly a sturdy fellow, having already seen off a posse of MacGregor rogues sent by Ballindalloch. The rest of his gang were hung at Edinburgh, but he was imprisoned in the castle as a witness in the case of the murder of a son of The Gordon Earl of Huntly (one of those men to whom Grant had leant his services occasionally). As the trial progressed slowly, somehow Grant had rope smuggled into him in barrels of butter, eventually procuring enough to escape down the wall of the castle and cliff below. A never before or after repeated feat of daring.

He then returned to his home country, renewing his ties with the Gordons and bumping off the odd person who got in his way, before joining the Gordon cause to help defend Aberdeen against Montrose and his covenanting army at the Brig O'Dee. After this service to the crown and becoming a bit of a bounty hunter, he was finally pardoned of all crimes commited by himself, but of his fate there is no record. Presumably he died a peaceful death, which seemed so unlikely for most of his life.

I've only really given you a brief overview of the accounts of James Grant in this post, because I'd have to pull out all of my old notes which I haven't seen for years, in order to recant some more of his derring-do tales. Suffice to say that there's enough to make a book, and I'd like to think that I might be able to so that some day, if there's ever any rest for the wicked!

There Is No Conspiracy!

It has been suggested to me in the past that I'm something of a conspracy theorist, but I've always defended myself by claiming that there's no such thing as a conspiracy! The fact that a goverment, a religion, a business or any assortment of inviduals or agencies, set out with an agenda to deceive or to fool the public at large, is not in question. It happens all the time, and probably has done since time immemorial. Almost certainly Emperors and Pharaohs et al, indulged themeselves in some whole-scale deceit. After all, isn't conspiracy just spin-doctoring cranked up several notches?

The worst of it is, that I have several firm beliefs, based entirely on the volume of data I've viewed supporting those beliefs, that I can't publicly air, certainly not in such an open forum as this. I'm no crack-pot either, I know my stuff. The trouble with the public at large is, that they tend to believe what they're told, because like Jack Nicholson said, "You can't handle the truth!" Never was a truer word said. The really surprising thing I find though, is the willingness of even hugely intelligent people to buy into stories which are frankly laughable. Their outright submission to the word of authority is pathetic really, although perhaps not necessarily surprising given the scale of some deceits. It's unconceivable to many that their own government would subject them to atrocity, but take a look at Zimbabwe or Burma, that's the model for conformity.

I'm not a cynic if that's what you're thinking. Let's just say I'm a good bullshit-ometer. I'm a paradox really, because I also believe in things that others might deem ridiculous, for the same reasons as I don't concur with several widely held opinions. Look at the evidence, weight it up and make a rational decision one way or the other. You can then judge further evidence in light of that conclusion, readjusting your thinking if necessary. That's what rationalisation is about, and I'm a very rational person. Based on that rationality, I can hereby inform you that the World is going to hell in a handcart!

How To Spot A Fake Scotsman!

Question - How do you spot a fake Scotsman, when he has a Scottish forename, a Scottish surname, and he feels such a great affinity with Scotland, to such an extent, that he's prepared to sing The Flower Of Scotland at the Scotland V's Estonia football match? Easy, it's impersonator and comic Alistair McGowan on "Who Do You Think You Are?", last night! I love this programme, not simply bacuase I'm an amateur genealogist myself, but because it's simply amazing how little poeple know about their own ancestry. Family secrets, lies and myths abound, I should know, I've covered a few of my own family's in this very blog.

So, the outcome of the programme, for those who might not have been able to see it, or have no idea who Alistair McGowan is, goes as follows:

Alistair McGowan is a well known impersonator on UK television, famous for impersonating David Beckham and such likes. "Who Do You Think You Are?" helps celebrities trace their family roots often with many surprises and shocks, not unlike this episode. McGowan was always under the impression that he was of Scots descent, although his mother was English and his father was born in India (to English parents, he claimed). McGowan, on his father's death in 2003 discovered upon his father's birth certificate, the words "Caste: Anglo-English". This sowed seeds of doubt in McGowan concerning a possible Indian heritage.

McGowan embarks on a journey of discovery to find out the truth. It turns out that he has Indian blood and what's more, when he reaches Allahabad, the place is literally crawling with McGowans. The family had been in India since at least 1760 and his ancestors had inter-married regularly with local women. The final upshot of his research came with the crushing blow that the earliest McGowan in India, John McGowan, had in fact came from Ireland. There was a sense of inevitability about it really. The BBC claimed that that was the end of the journey, no Scots ancestry at all.

I however remain unconvinced, because unlike the BBC, I know a little bit of history. While it's possible that the McGowan's were indeed distinctly Irish, there's as much possibility that they were originally from Scotland. The Plantation of Ulster, saw hordes of Scottish Protestant families transplanted from Scotland to Northern Ireland in the early 1600's. It's quite possible that the McGowans were among these settlers. Certainly, areas of Dumfries, Ayrshire and Lanark, where many of the Scots were brought to Ulster from, were home to McGowans. Perhaps the BBC could at least have given Alistair McGowan a small straw to grasp in his quest for Scots ancestry. It's not over yet! There are no dead ends in family history research, just obstacles which need to be overcome!

The Bytes Of Time!

I've decided that I really fancy one of these Binary watches, if for no other reason than to be able to show it to someone asking me the time. I'm sure their bewilderment would be priceless. Even so, I think I'd prefer one without the place values, unlike the one above has. That's sort of giving the game away a bit, isn't it?

Maybe, I'm just being a bit computer geekish wanting one of these, but since I'm intending becoming an IT teacher, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to possess one. It could even be used as an additional resource when explaining the concepts of binary to the pupils. I had considered the concept of a Hex watch, (I've checked they don't exist), but to be honest, by the time I worked out what the time was from a Hex watch, it would already be too late to do whatever it was I was going to do.

Oh, by the way, if you're reading this and you don't know what binary is, then check out this page and become even more confused! Honestly though, it's not rocket science, it's computer science, and even though rockets use computers and therefore binary (thus proving I lied), binary is still an easy concept to grasp. You think binary is bad, check out hexidecimal! Oh, and I'll state categorically here and now, while we're on the subject, that I don't believe for a second that the Americans ever landed on the Moon. Ah... conspiracy theory you say. Maybe so! Well this is 2007 and they can barely make it into space, so it doesn't take a genius to work out that Armstrong and Aldrin probably only made it as far as Hollywood. I really believe that the whole thing was just a massive propaganda coup for the Americans at the height of the Cold War!

You may diagree with that. If you do, feel free to say so, but you better be able to prove it. There isn't anything you can say that I won't be able to refute though, so be warned! Logic does not come into it.

I Drank the Dirty Water!

Major drama this morning. I have some medication (none of your concern what it's for, let's just say it's not infectious anyhow), and it says on the label, "Drink plenty water with this!". So, that's what I was doing, but I noticed that the water tasted slightly odd. When I looked into the glass, I could see that it was somewhat murky. I tried refilling it, but it was still the same. I flushed the capsule down with apple juice instead, but my stomach was already churning at the thought of the foul water which I had already ingested.

Anyhow, I phoned up Scottish Water, and surprisingly got an answer instantly, which threw me a bit for a start. I told the operator the problem and where I lived, and she said it was probably just air in the system from some maintenance nearby, creating tiny bubbles. So she checked the database and sure enough there had been mains water pipe repair in the area today. So, that was that, apparently I wouldn't suffer any ill effects.

Well, the water became clear shortly later and I'm still alive, but I do have a sensitive stomach, so I'm not entirely convinced that my insides are happy right now. Fingers crossed I'll be OK, I've read too much about crypto-sporidium and the like to be relaxed about what happened, but I think you can see the bacteria in the water if that's present, and my water was just dull. Like this post I guess!