How To Spot A Fake Scotsman!

Question - How do you spot a fake Scotsman, when he has a Scottish forename, a Scottish surname, and he feels such a great affinity with Scotland, to such an extent, that he's prepared to sing The Flower Of Scotland at the Scotland V's Estonia football match? Easy, it's impersonator and comic Alistair McGowan on "Who Do You Think You Are?", last night! I love this programme, not simply bacuase I'm an amateur genealogist myself, but because it's simply amazing how little poeple know about their own ancestry. Family secrets, lies and myths abound, I should know, I've covered a few of my own family's in this very blog.

So, the outcome of the programme, for those who might not have been able to see it, or have no idea who Alistair McGowan is, goes as follows:

Alistair McGowan is a well known impersonator on UK television, famous for impersonating David Beckham and such likes. "Who Do You Think You Are?" helps celebrities trace their family roots often with many surprises and shocks, not unlike this episode. McGowan was always under the impression that he was of Scots descent, although his mother was English and his father was born in India (to English parents, he claimed). McGowan, on his father's death in 2003 discovered upon his father's birth certificate, the words "Caste: Anglo-English". This sowed seeds of doubt in McGowan concerning a possible Indian heritage.

McGowan embarks on a journey of discovery to find out the truth. It turns out that he has Indian blood and what's more, when he reaches Allahabad, the place is literally crawling with McGowans. The family had been in India since at least 1760 and his ancestors had inter-married regularly with local women. The final upshot of his research came with the crushing blow that the earliest McGowan in India, John McGowan, had in fact came from Ireland. There was a sense of inevitability about it really. The BBC claimed that that was the end of the journey, no Scots ancestry at all.

I however remain unconvinced, because unlike the BBC, I know a little bit of history. While it's possible that the McGowan's were indeed distinctly Irish, there's as much possibility that they were originally from Scotland. The Plantation of Ulster, saw hordes of Scottish Protestant families transplanted from Scotland to Northern Ireland in the early 1600's. It's quite possible that the McGowans were among these settlers. Certainly, areas of Dumfries, Ayrshire and Lanark, where many of the Scots were brought to Ulster from, were home to McGowans. Perhaps the BBC could at least have given Alistair McGowan a small straw to grasp in his quest for Scots ancestry. It's not over yet! There are no dead ends in family history research, just obstacles which need to be overcome!

The Bytes Of Time!

I've decided that I really fancy one of these Binary watches, if for no other reason than to be able to show it to someone asking me the time. I'm sure their bewilderment would be priceless. Even so, I think I'd prefer one without the place values, unlike the one above has. That's sort of giving the game away a bit, isn't it?

Maybe, I'm just being a bit computer geekish wanting one of these, but since I'm intending becoming an IT teacher, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to possess one. It could even be used as an additional resource when explaining the concepts of binary to the pupils. I had considered the concept of a Hex watch, (I've checked they don't exist), but to be honest, by the time I worked out what the time was from a Hex watch, it would already be too late to do whatever it was I was going to do.

Oh, by the way, if you're reading this and you don't know what binary is, then check out this page and become even more confused! Honestly though, it's not rocket science, it's computer science, and even though rockets use computers and therefore binary (thus proving I lied), binary is still an easy concept to grasp. You think binary is bad, check out hexidecimal! Oh, and I'll state categorically here and now, while we're on the subject, that I don't believe for a second that the Americans ever landed on the Moon. Ah... conspiracy theory you say. Maybe so! Well this is 2007 and they can barely make it into space, so it doesn't take a genius to work out that Armstrong and Aldrin probably only made it as far as Hollywood. I really believe that the whole thing was just a massive propaganda coup for the Americans at the height of the Cold War!

You may diagree with that. If you do, feel free to say so, but you better be able to prove it. There isn't anything you can say that I won't be able to refute though, so be warned! Logic does not come into it.

I Drank the Dirty Water!

Major drama this morning. I have some medication (none of your concern what it's for, let's just say it's not infectious anyhow), and it says on the label, "Drink plenty water with this!". So, that's what I was doing, but I noticed that the water tasted slightly odd. When I looked into the glass, I could see that it was somewhat murky. I tried refilling it, but it was still the same. I flushed the capsule down with apple juice instead, but my stomach was already churning at the thought of the foul water which I had already ingested.

Anyhow, I phoned up Scottish Water, and surprisingly got an answer instantly, which threw me a bit for a start. I told the operator the problem and where I lived, and she said it was probably just air in the system from some maintenance nearby, creating tiny bubbles. So she checked the database and sure enough there had been mains water pipe repair in the area today. So, that was that, apparently I wouldn't suffer any ill effects.

Well, the water became clear shortly later and I'm still alive, but I do have a sensitive stomach, so I'm not entirely convinced that my insides are happy right now. Fingers crossed I'll be OK, I've read too much about crypto-sporidium and the like to be relaxed about what happened, but I think you can see the bacteria in the water if that's present, and my water was just dull. Like this post I guess!

Crossing the Great Divide!

Nice, not sure what you call it, on Channel 4 last night. Historical re-enactment mixed with documentary and a touch of detective work going on, about the building of the Great Wall of China. Probably up there with the Great Pyramid and Stonehenge in terms of grand designs. It was quite fascinating actually, the Ming dynasty commissioned the wall because they were so paranoid about the possibility of invasion from the North. It didn't stop internal strife though!

The wall was actually a victim of its own success. Because it succeeded in keeping the barbaric hordes at bay, the aristocracy in court began to wonder if it was ever needed anyway. It was hugely expensive to build, and what was built was only just over one-third of the intended structure. Unfortunately, the General responsible for the building work and the senior courtesan who secured the funding for it, became largely despised as a result and were removed from office (and probably executed).

The Ming dynasty ended a few years later, with the last Emperor hanging himself, as almost simultaneously, a Manchu/Mongol alliance invaded from the North. Owing to rebellion and internal strife, these invaders were permitted if not welcomed through several gates in the wall. The wall had failed! No it hadn't... only now has the wall fulfilled its true potential, as a tourist goldmine. Whatsmore, huge sections of the wall are being re-built, although I'm not certain if that's to attract even more tourists, or if the Mongols still pose a credible threat at this juncture! I like the word "juncture"!

Ordering In Rainbows!

After years of waiting nothing came, until now... it's finally here, almost. The new Radiohead album, for which we have had to wait what has seemed like an interminable time, and they've only gone and made it available on some website-type thingy! I've gone all soft in the head and ordered their £40 discbox special boxed-set thing as seen above, but then again I have been known to be slightly obssessive about them.

Hail to the Thief was out when? I think it was 1st June 2003. That was ages ago! We already have a rough idea what some of the songs ought to sound like, after they toured with them last year, and there's only one reason why they might have changed since then, and that of course is Mr.Yorke. He is known to be a bit of a perfectionist, for instance, I think it was "Knives Out" they recorded n^3 times, only for him to decide the first recording they did was his favourite.

You have no idea how absolutely delighted I am. The download version will be available to me in 10 days time, then I'm going to get a wonderful package of goodies from them at the start of December. I'll just say it's my Christmas present to myself. Oh no, the wife enquired about the cost just now... she doesn't seem to see £40 as the bargain I do!

Flying Ship Crash and Missile Attack!

OK, so I had some strange dreams last night. Not for the first time, but definitely the first time I've had what I would describe as a Sci-fi dream. I haven't been watching any Sci-fi whatsover recently, so there's nothing to which I can attribute the reasons for having such a dream. I once had a very vivid dream in which I was a Roman standard-bearer descending a mountain and planning a night-time raid on a fort, both in the snow. But, that was a one-off I thought, because I don't really tend to remember my dreams very often.

Since some people put a lot of stock in dreams, although I'm a little sceptical about that myself, I thought I'd outline the main thrust of my dream for anyone who might like to try and interpret it. It started off with myself and several others (unknown) on top of a flat-topped mountain, althought there was a building there and overhead power lines. We were hearing thunder, but couldn't tell where it was coming from. Next thing this massive vehicle flies into view overhead. It was comprised of 3 box-like sections, a small one at the front, a large one in the middle and a medium size one at the back. I enquired of my compatriots what it was and they told me it was a weather ship.

The ship then rose vertically into the clouds, rather quickly. I note that it was getting dark at this point. Then suddenly the ship came straight back down as if it were going to land right in front of us. But the overhead power cables were between us and the ship, and for reasons unknown, the ship lurched suddenly towards us and the front section which I instictively knew was where the pilot was located, hit the cables and burst into flames. the front section crashed to the ground and erupted in a fireball, followed by the other sections. We raced to the tail section where we knew someone else had been, to see if they had survived, but it was completely burned-out. Nothing but ash inside of the burnt shell that remained.

Ok, that was weird, but it then got even weirder. The source of the thunder was about to become apparent as darkness fell. We suddenly become aware of flashing streaks in the distant night sky. Somene asked if they were shooting stars. I continued watching and saw the number of streaking lights multiply, with many lights coming out of each one. I realised they were missiles. My intital reaction was that they were nukes, and there were tens of thousands. A sense of doom crept over me. Then I saw some missiles hit and although the explosions were fairly large, I realised that they were conventional missiles and that escape might still be possible. We ran!

OK, there was more, but I realise that you can only digest reasonably sized portions of text, so I'm not going to cover the rest. What do you think anyway? Is my unconscious mind deeply disturbed, or am I a prophet of doom, a doomsayer? Let me have your comments please!

The Philadelphia Experiment!

Today, I thought I'd take a look at the "The Philadelphia Experiment". There's a fair chance that you might never have heard of it, but assuming that it really happened, it was perhaps one of the most momentous events of the 20th century, and that's saying something!

The year was 1943, and the US War Department had gotten wind of research work into electro-magnetism at Princeton which had apparently succeeded in making some small objects invisible. Of course, the only thing of interest to the War Department was how they could use the technology to influence the course of the war. It was decided that it might be possible to make ships invisible to radar using the technology.

The USS Eldridge was appointed to the task. First, they tried animals on board. The ship disappeared, but when it reappeared many animals had radiation type burns. Despite this they decided to try it out with a crew. The crew were unaware of what was about to happen. What exactly did occur over the following 5 hours until the ship returned is unclear, but what came back was a horrific site. Many sailors were insane, some were on fire, others were already dead or sticking out of the ship's super-structure. Some sailors were disappearing and reappearing at random, for instance several disappeared while in a pub several days later, and others still, reported seeing aliens and monsters.

It has been suggested that the greatest scientsists of that time were involved; Albert Einstein, Jon von Neumann and Nikola Tesla. Einstein was purported to have been so horrified by the results of the experiment that he burnt all of his personal notes relating to the experiment, declaring "Mankind is not yet ready for this technology!" Did the ship travel to the future (40 years some witnesses have testified), or alternative dimensions? Who can say? If you want to read more, there's a nice article here!

No Change Of Heart!

Classic example of the knock-on effect. For years my daughter has been banging on at me to let her have a pet. Now, for several reasons, I have absolutely refused to give in to her pleas, no matter how desperate. These are:

• They make a mess
• They're destructive
• They smell
• They will die
• I will end up having to feed it
• Pet food smells too

I could go on and on. Basically, I can think of no other reason for getting a pet other than that becasue my daugter wants one, and believe me she has tried. I've had pleas for; a dog, a cat, a rabbit, a hamster, a gerbil, all sorts. Up until now there hasn't been any major problem in simply refusing her a pet, but what have her friends parents gone and done? They've only bought a bloody kitten. So, my daughter is playing at her friends after school today, and we have to drive over and drop off a change of clothes. Out comes the kitten, "look at the lovely kitten!", "isn't it cute?", "why can't we have one?"

You see, my duaghter's a sensitive soul, she even cries when someone dies in Emmerdale. I know that if she had a pet, it would die and she'd be broken-hearted. I'm probably only postponing the inevitable, but she can wait until she has a boyfriend before she suffers such emotional turmoil, which hopefully won't be for a long time yet. Maybe I can prevent her from having one of those as well!

Disruptive Elements Will Be Forcibly Removed!

I had the sensational experience of witnessing some 1st year classes in action today. Three very different classes, that ranged from the sublime to the horrendous. The first class was moderately well behaved, but the second wasn't behaved at all. Just like in the photo above, one lad had to be removed from the class, he was so disruptive and he was creating this area of disturbance around him. I observed that he was not able to do the work at all, and supect that his behaviour was largely borne of frustration with himself. Even when he had been removed though, there were still some individuals pushing their luck. I thought the teacher showed a great deal of restraint with them. I'm not sure I could have.

The final 1st year class that I observed were impeccably well behaved. It was a fairly large class, but they worked away in almost complete silence. They got loads of work done, and demonstrated alarming skills for 12 year olds. When the lesson ended, they pushed their chairs in and stood behind the chairs, until given permission to leave. I couldn't believe it. I've seen 4th year classes this week that were many times worse discipline-wise.

My observation period is now drawing to a close, but the teacher has assured me, that upon my return in 4-5 weeks, I will be thrown to the lions, so to speak. Meaning, I'll be taking classes pretty much form the off. I can't say that I don't feel a degree of trepidation, who wouldn't? I'm sure though, that once I've overcame those initial nerves and just get on with it, I'll be alright!

Let's Negotiate With Reptilian Hominids!

I hear that Halo 3 is released today and everyone's talking about it, much as they were about Bioshock a few weeks back, and yet I am unmoved. To be honest, I don't see what appeal those types of game have. Shooting aliens, zombies, whatever, can only hold someone's attention for a very limited time I would have thought, or am I missing something? I find it quite disturbing, how kids can get so much enjoyment out of virtual killing. Medal Of Honour, now that's a differnet story, the killing is justified. I've yet to meet an alien or zombie that was anything other than amicable and courteous.

I may have mentioned it before, but I've been playing Final Fantasy XII for a while now, on and off. It's a fairly massive game and a certain level of character development is required before more difficult areas can be completed. Also, much time has to be spent in combat, in order to acquire items which can then be traded for weapons, armour, spells or potions etc.

I think I've covered the decline of gaming in general here before, so I won't mention it again, only to say, I wish the developers would put a bit more need for thinking in there. Killing all the aliens won't bring about universal peace, we need to get them round the table and analyse their thirst for human blood. For instance, would some sort of plasma substitute provide enough succour for them, or could we broker some sort of deal where we exchange vagrants for technology? There may be other options, but simply obliterating every reptilian hominid with a raygun, obviously isn't the answer is it? And, they shoot back with more accuracy in real-life! On account of the multiplicity of eyes that they have developed!